A Co-worker and I recently got married within one week of each other, and both of us invited most of our office to the weddings (we work at a small office of less than 10 people). Both of us have not received any gifts from any of the other co-workers, even our bosses that we work closely with. It's been more than 2 weeks after the wedding now, and none of them have mentioned any gifts coming - except one who told me to go to his house to pick up my gift. (Shouldn't he bring it to work, drop it off at my house, or have brought it to the wedding? Is it proper ettiquite to have the bride go pick up her own gift at the guest's house?)
I don't understand how these co-workers will just ALL not give us gifts, and I'm pretty sure they are not pooling together to get a gift (or else they would've asked me and the other recently-married co-worker to pool in for each other). I spent significant money on their dinners, and expect at least a little respect from them. I'm not asking for much, even a card or $5 gift card would make me happy. I'm just upset that they can just simply be so rude and not bring anything or even mention it. Can I ask for a gift without sounding like a jerk?
TWQadmin
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Post #2 of 5
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Re: [zgirl4] No Gifts from Guests - Should I ask?
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Although etiquette suggests that wedding guests should send a gift to the home of the bride before the wedding, the bridal couple should never expect gifts. You are not hosting a wedding in order to receive gifts and offset the cost of your guests' dinners. Or, at least, I would hope that was not the case. Plus, unless these co-workers are those with whom you are close, then they should not have been invited to the wedding at all. The issue may be that they felt uncomfortable saying no since they have to work with you and, many people are feeling the gift crunch these days.
Now, of course, these guests did accept the invitation and should know that a gift should be sent, but we wouldn't ask them, "Where's my gift", nor should you have to retrieve a gift from a guests' home.
Go ahead and begin to write your thank you notes, if you haven't already, and if any gifts come afterwards, send a thank you note as soon as you receive the gift. There's nothing else to be done. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
zgirl4
Post #3 of 5
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Re: [TWQadmin] No Gifts from Guests - Should I ask?
[In reply to]
Thank you for the quick response!
We did not host the wedding to receive gifts, so anything we received, we were happy about. I just thought it strange that out of the 6 guests who did not bring gifts to my wedding, 5 of them were my co-workers.
One of them had asked prior to the wedding where we were registered, and another had mentioned prior to the wedding that a gift would be coming regardless if he could make it or not (he was not sure he was able to attend, but in the end he was able to), and then after the wedding asked casually what the weirdest wedding gift received was. So they acknowledged that they understand gift-giving etiquette... I'll probably just wait and see and not pass judgment early.
As for the response that I should not have to retrieve a gift from the guests' home, what should I do in this case? I feel awkward bringing it up to him. "By the way, that gift of mine..." Should I wait until he brings it up or should I just casually ask him when he's free so I can go pick up the gift?
Thanks so much! I love this site and all your wonderful advice.
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Post #4 of 5
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Re: [zgirl4] No Gifts from Guests - Should I ask?
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I was just responding to your comment:
"I spent significant money on their dinners, and expect at least a little respect from them."
So, what I am wondering is what sort of respect you expect, if not expecting gifts? I would move away from the whole gift issue and just have fond memories of the day. Worrying about things we have no control over is wasted time, in my opinion.
In regards to your friend who asked you to pick up the gift - I would just wait to see if he mentions it again. If he does (and my guess it that he will not) you can decide if you would like to pick up the gift depending on the way you are asked, I suppose. If this person truly has a gift for you then he should find a way to get it to you, and he should.
Let's see what Rebecca has to say about this since I am certain she will have some good advice to add. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
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Post #5 of 5
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Re: [zgirl4] No Gifts from Guests - Should I ask?
[In reply to]
Actually, I don't think I could have said it any better.
I definitely wouldn't mention the gift again. I also would feel awkward driving to his home to pick it up. But, it is completely your choice to retrieve it or no if he offers it again.
If it were me and he mentions the gift again, I would tell him that I feel uncomfortable going to pick it up and ask him if it was possible to bring it in to work. It should be given in privately though and this could be his concern. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
(This post was
edited by Et.byRebecca on Aug 21, 2007, 11:39 AM)
No Gifts from Guests - Should I ask?
I was just responding to your comment: 
