Last weekend we got married and I invited my step-brother (who actually isn't technically my stepbrother since our parents have since split up, but we remained close and still call eachother siblineg). Not only is he family to me, but we also work together and are close friends.
After our gift opening, it dawned on me that we did not receive anything at all from him- not even a card. It hurt me a lot. I sent him an email asking about two presents that did not have cards attatched (which one might have been from him?), but he did not write back and I have since found out they were both from another guest who contacted me after the wedding.
Aside from my hurt feelings, it bothers me for another reason. He spent the later part of the night (after the "open bar" had closed) buying all the ladies drinks. I know that he makes a 6-figure income, and I can't think of a justification for this.
Does he get a Thank you card? Can I say something to him about this?
Any thoughts?
Thanks!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 26, 2007, 9:05 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 26, 2007, 10:25 AM
Post #2 of 4
(509 views)
Re: [breaster] No wedding gift from stepbrother
[In reply to]
Dear Breaster,
You shouldn't have contacted him in the first place. It is considered an insult and it appears as if you are reminding him to give you something. And, it really doesn't matter how much money he makes or how he spends it since it is his earned cash. He may give you a gift or not. Although it is considered obligatory to give a wedding gift if one attends, it is his choice. However, if this is an encore wedding and he gave you a gift before, he isn't obligated to give you another one.
He should have at least given you a card. That would have been polite.
It is considered in poor taste to have a cash bar even if you provided an open bar for part of the time. A guest should never have to open their wallets.
No thank you note is necessary unless he gives you a gift.
Re: [Etiquette Now] No wedding gift from stepbrother
[In reply to]
Thanks for the reply!
Unfortunately we could not afford open bar, so we did the best we could and everyone seemed happy.
I did not contact him to find out if he had given us a gift. At that point, i assumed one of the un-named gifts was from him and i wanted to send him an accurate Thank You before leaving for the honeymoon. Why is this wrong?
Thanks,
Breaster
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 26, 2007, 11:53 AM
Post #4 of 4
(499 views)
Re: [breaster] No wedding gift from stepbrother
[In reply to]
You put him in a difficult situation by asking him. When we don't know who gave a gift, which is why it is best to ship the gift to the home before the wedding, we try to find out covertly and not directly. You could have asked him if he saw the person who gave you a gift wrapped a certain way in order to find out. Sometimes a family member will find out by stating that the couple had some gifts without cards. And, then try to find out if that person gave the certain gift. By you directly asking him, it could be interpreted that you are reminding him to give a gift.
When we cannot afford an open bar, we provide less expensive choices for the entire evening or we shut the bar down an hour before the event ends. At that time, we offer non-alcoholic beverages only. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
No wedding gift from stepbrother
