My daughter was engaged and a week before the wedding broke off the engagement. I started returning the presents a short time after. I returned most of the bridal shower gifts but have yet to return the wedding gifts. Four weeks after the cancellation she has discovered she is pregnant and the wedding is back on. They will be married within a couple of weeks. This wedding will be a small wedding with only a few guests we plan to send out marriage announcements after it takes place. What do I do with the remaining gifts?
I guess I have left out some details. The marriage announcements we are sending out are also to invite the entire guest list from the first wedding to a reception. You see we are from Utah were most weddings take place in a LDS Temple. Which means that a very limited number of people are able to attend the actual wedding. So for most weddings here ( including two of my other daughters weddings)70% of the guests are only invited to the reception. Even though this wedding will not be in a temple it will be in another state because my husband and our other married children have moved out there since the first wedding and the Happy couple thought it would be better to do it quickly where most of their family is.
As for my decision to return the gifts for my daughter. I am a stay at home mother of three. My daughter works two jobs and goes to school full time. It was my decision and I offered it to my daughter when I saw her starting to do the returns on her own. She never asked me or expected me to do it.
And as to the couples decision to get married. My daughter and soon to be son in law have been in individual counseling for a little over a year. This counseling was for their individual growth an guidance. They have also had couples counseling and marriage prep courses together. I appreciate the advice on this part but it really is not the issue. The reason the first wedding was called off was a simple case of cold feet. They did continue to date each other and go to counseling and marriage classes after. Their plan was always to marry each other.
Please help. Thank you, On Again
(This post was
edited by sqclds on Feb 29, 2008, 9:48 AM)
Weddings by Shayna
VA WEDDING CONSULTANT
Feb 28, 2008, 10:32 AM
Post #2 of 5
(564 views)
Re: [sqclds] On again wedding, What to do I with gifts?
[In reply to]
You should definitely send back the gifts to those who you do not intend to invite to the wedding. Of the remaining, it would be most courteous to return all of the gifts and let the gift-giver decide if it is still appropriate to send one. Assuming most of the reduced guest is very close family and friends, you can probably make a few intimate phone calls to let them know that the wedding has been rescheduled and that you would be happy to send the gift back if that is their wish. Then respect their decisions and act accordingly. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Feb 28, 2008, 11:54 AM
Post #3 of 5
(558 views)
Re: [sqclds] On again wedding, What to do I with gifts?
[In reply to]
I think you've received good advice about what to do with the gifts. However, I think the bigger question is how this young couple is going to manage, going into a marriage they had decided they didn't want, and are now proceeding with because they are pregnant. I'm not questioning this decision if that's what they want to do, but I would suggest that if there was ever a time for a couple to seek some form of professional counselling to prepare them for marriage and what is likely going to be a year of challenges, it is now. Marriage can be hard enough, add in some doubts about this very decision and a baby on the way, and I would say you have a situation where having some good information about what to expect, some support from a trained professional, and a negotiated plan around how to make this work, would be absolutely vital. If they are going to be married and create a family together, let's help them to try and stack some things in their favor. Suggest to them that they could really benefit from getting some counselling, not because there is something wrong with them, but because it can really help them optimize their chances for success and give their baby the best home environment possible.
The other option of course is to do counselling to decide if getting married is the right thing for them at all. They can still raise or co-parent a child together (in fact they don't have a choice about that) without being married. If they are willing to explore the options before taking the next step, then that would probably be the best choice.
Best of luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 28, 2008, 1:24 PM
Post #4 of 5
(544 views)
Re: [sqclds] On again wedding, What to do I with gifts?
[In reply to]
Dear Sqclds,
I agree all gifts should be returned to those not invited to the wedding. And, all should receive a note from the couple about the change of plans.
This is not something you should be doing. This is the responsibility of the couple. If they are grown enough to marry, they are definitely grown enough to handle explanations and gift returns. And yes, the fiance should hold up his end. It's a brand new century.
Re: [sqclds] On again wedding, What to do I with gifts?
[In reply to]
The simple part: Return the gifts to those not attending the wedding.
Question: Have you had a heart-to-heart with your daughter as to whether her getting married is the right thing to do, the best thing given all options and considerations?
Seeking outside professional help would help her sort out mixed thoughts and emotions.
With such a life changing event before her, I would counsel taking some time to really think things through.
On again wedding, What to do I with gifts?
