I have done some searching on the site and while I have found questions sort of like mine, nothing is quite like our circumstances.
My fiance and I are getting married at the end of April. In late August/early September we are moving, and not just to a new house - we are moving continents. (From Europe to North America.) In light of this we really would prefer money as wedding presents because shipping everything will cost a fortune, not to mention that we would be devastated if anything we received was lost or damaged during the move. We believe that anyone who puts in the effort to choose a gift deserves better than to have us use it for a few months and then get rid of it because we are unable to take it with us.
We have opened a wedding bank account for people to contribute to should they prefer to do it that way, or they could bring cards to the wedding itself. We have also registered a *small* gift list for those "older" friends and family members for whom giving money is unacceptable.
Invitations went out last week and NO gift details were included, despite my being admonished by a wedding consultant at the department store holding our list for not using the inserts they provide giving list details. It is being circulated by word-of-mouth that we would prefer money and even that any guest contributing money is welcome to designate what they would like the gift to be spent on. I.E. if they would have bought us a toaster were we staying in this country, then we will buy a toaster in their honour when we set up our new home several thousand miles away.
This is a proper "formal" wedding - ceremony with reception immediately following, guests are not expected to contribute any money towards the wedding itself and there is an open bar.
In light of this, and in the way we are doing it, is asking for money acceptable? We are not being cash-hungry...it really would devastate us to have to leave any wedding gifts when we move, and would like our guests to realise that we wish to have and use any gift they might give us, even if we have chosen it ourselves, for many years to come and not just a few months.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 12, 2007, 1:34 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 12, 2007, 3:27 PM
Post #2 of 3
(5148 views)
Re: [wife2Bsoon] Proper way to ask for money as wedding gift
[In reply to]
Dear Wife2Bsoon,
I'm so glad you didn't listen to the store associate. They want people to believe that it is appropriate when it is not. It is good money for them.
Asking for money isn't polite, but it seems that you have approached the issue correctly. Many times money would be the best gift, but we can't directly ask for it. When someone asks we can inform them of our plans.
The account is also a good idea. It seems that you have done everything you could do in order to make your guests comfortable with it. Adding a registry is also a good idea for those who don't give money.
Asking for gift cards or even suggesting that these could be brought to the wedding is not as positive. We can register for these though. Your guests could find out about the cards when they visit your wedding website or when they do a search looking for your registries.
Another idea is to list an address here in the states as a shipping address for the gifts in stores where you are registered. If there is someone here that can receive them for you, that would be preferable. That person could keep track of the gifts so you could write your thank you notes.
Re: [wife2Bsoon] Proper way to ask for money as wedding gift
[In reply to]
Thank you very much for the reply. There is nowhere we can have the gifts shipped to in North America so this is really what we need to do. To be honest I am not all that fussed about gifts; cheesy as it may sound, the only "gift" that matters to me for the wedding is getting my fiance as my husband. I prefer giving gifts more than recieving them - it's more fun for me. If the roles were reversed though, I wouldn't want to be denied the opportunity to give a gift, and to give whatever the couple would most be able to use.
Proper way to ask for money as wedding gift
