Should a wedding guest have to cover the cost of their meal with a monetary gift?
I am a Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. She knows that I am a SAHM with my sole income coming from my husband.
The groom insisted on having the wedding reception at a very exclusive (AKA very expensive) reception hall. They are paying $120 per person.
I have spent a total of $1,200 already on wedding attire for myself and my daughter who is a flowergirl in the wedding, contributing for the bridal shower and 2 very generous gifts for her bridal shower. Which was fine since we knew that by my daughter and myself coming out in the wedding it was going to be an expense.
But here is the dilemma. I had been in touch with the groom to be in regards to transporting the bride to the bridal shower since it was a surprise. In small talk he told me that some of the brides family had not responded to the wedding invitation as of yet. He stated the bride assumes it has to do with transportation and money being right with some of them for a wedding gift. I agreed that it can be difficult for some and that as far as a wedding gift they should give what they can afford even it is $20.
The groom stated very matter of factly, that if they can not afford to cover thier plate then they should respond, NO. He said he and the bride have spent alot of money for thier place and if the guests can not cover the cost of thier plate they shouldn't come. He also added, that when he goes to any of his close friends weddings he easily gives them $500 in a card. I stated that he has to keep in mind some people can not afford to give that much, me included. After all I have spent a small fortune on this wedding already.
This has really struck a nerve with me since I definitely know that in our budget we can not even cover the cost of our plates as he stated. Now I am even embarrassed to give the amount we were budgeting for.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 22, 2005, 2:45 PM)
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Sep 22, 2005, 3:19 PM
Post #2 of 3
(15434 views)
Re: [NJBridesmaid] Should a wedding guest have to cover the cost of their meal with a monetary gift?
[In reply to]
Dear NJBridesmaid:
Gifts for weddings are usually expected from invitees whether they attend the wedding or not. However, the value of said gift is totally up to the gift giver and not based on what the cost of dinner is for each guest. The position this Groom is taking in regard to guests is just plain wrong. He wants monetary gifts to offset his wedding reception cost but yet he wants to have an expensive event. Frankly, if he can't afford to invite AND pay for his guests food, then he should reevaluate the reception budget. This type of behavior is in very poor taste, very poor taste indeed. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 22, 2005, 3:26 PM
Post #3 of 3
(15435 views)
Re: [NJBridesmaid] Should a wedding guest have to cover the cost of their meal with a monetary gift?
[In reply to]
Dear MOH,
His behavior is inexcusable and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't know where that illogical belief came from that guest should give as much as the couple has spent on them. That couldn't be farther from the truth. You are correct that guests should give what they can. Bravo.
These people chose to marry. They chose to spend as much as they did. They chose to invite guests. They are responsible for their guests costs. The guests are only responsible to congratulate them.
A wedding is supposed to be about the joining of two people and we as guests are invited to share in this joy. A wedding is not supposed to be about draining the guests' wallets.
I'm sorry this has been your experience. I hope that you don't have to spend too much time with him.
Plus, you shouldn't have had to give more than one bridal shower gift. Perhaps you could save the other one for the wedding. You do not have to give money.
Should a wedding guest have to cover the cost of their meal with a monetary gift?
