My uncle was married five months ago. It was a first marriage for him and the second for his bride. She had previously been married and had a child. Since her divorce (and before their marriage) she had two children with my uncle. She got her first marriage annulled so that she could get married in the church again. I am wondering about the gift giving etiquette for such a wedding--after all, they had already been given many baby gifts at the showers for their children (for which we were not thanked). I could not attend the wedding because I had recently had a baby. I called my future aunt several weeks before the wedding to explain that we had RSVP'd no to the wedding and why. She told me that they did not expect me to be able to make the wedding but wanted me to know I was invited. I then told her several times how happy I was for them and that I'd be thinking about them and really wished I could be there. Fast forward five months. Since we had expected to see them several times since their wedding but they canceled each time at the last minute, this was the first time we had seen the happy couple since their wedding. The received a couple gifts, monetary and otherwise, from members of my family that had been held for them until we saw them in person. Now I understand that wedding gifts should be given in a timely manner, however since the intention was to give these gifts in person when we saw them soon after the wedding, I'm wondering how much of a breech of etiquette is giving a gift in person five months late under these circumstances? The reason I am asking in the first place is because my uncle's wife acted almost insulted when she was handed the gifts, did not say thank you, and then said something later on in the evening about how hurtful and rude it was to receive a gift so late. She also said something about me not sending a gift. Should I have sent something when I was told that they didn't expect me to come in the first place? I had been planning on getting them something small when my budget allowed me to do so, but now, after seeing her ungrateful reaction to the other gifts, I'm not sure if I should. Help!!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Apr 11, 2007, 12:00 PM
Post #2 of 2
(813 views)
Re: [kl76] Time limit for wedding gifts
[In reply to]
Dear Kl76,
You were not obligated to send a gift if not attending. But, gifts shouldn't be determined on the couple having children before they were married. The gift should be based on your relationship with the couple.
Giving a gift in person is sweet. But, a wedding gift should be shipped to the home before the wedding. It isn't a breach of etiquette to ship it shortly after the wedding. But, the key word here is: ship.
This doesn't excuse the fact that she was extremely impolite in the way she received the gift and her comments. It is not rude to give a belated gift, especially when not attending. Plus, she should have been thankful.
Time limit for wedding gifts
