To give or not to give --friend getting married in church now
I'm in a bit of a quandry and have no idea whether I should give a gift or not in this situation:
Friends of ours were married just before we met them. by a JP....they had a reception months later and we were invited to that and we gave a gift for the picnic reception they had then.
Our friendship was strained while my husband was deployed because they thought I never had time for them in particular. I worked an hour away and had a baby to take care of, sorry if I didn't have time to entertain them, but I digress.
Now, five years later to quiet her mother my friend and husband are getting married in the church complete with wedding dress, tuxes and the whole schebang. My husband has been asked to "stand up" with the groom and be in a suit as they didn't want us to spend the money on a new tux for him (no rentals they asked--which what is the difference).
This will be a Friday evening affair and children are included. There will be a caterer and also a photographer at the ceremony and reception.
Do we get them another gift or should I just get a Congratulations card? I thought maybe a SMALL gift might be in order and have already purchased a glass platter as a gift, but it seems like a cheap attempt in my mind and I'd rather give no gift than a cheap one, but again, do we give ANOTHER gift?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 5, 2007, 5:03 PM
Post #2 of 3
(719 views)
Re: [mudpuppiesmom] To give or not to give --friend getting married in church now
[In reply to]
Dear Mudpuppiesmom,
Wow! This is a huge social faux pas. They are married, but want to play bride and groom--very interesting. I sincerely hope they didn't register as well.
Their ceremony should be a vow renewal or blessing of their marriage, which is the same thing. There are no attendants, wedding dress, or any of this, because it isn't a wedding. It could be special, but not mirror a wedding.
No gift is necessary. And, I sincerely hope they realize how this will be viewed (since they are inviting guests) and alter their planning before the 'big day'.
Re: [mudpuppiesmom] To give or not to give --friend getting married in church now
[In reply to]
I agree. In fact, your post supports the reason this is such a big no-no. Guests feel used and held up for gifts. You gave already. Just say no. Maybe if everyone had the nerve to say no, this gift grab and attempt to have it all will end. I call these people the entitled. They want it all, they want is when they want it, and, of course, they are entitled to it at all costs. No responsibility for their actions. (sorry for the vent).
They chose to be married by the JP, a decision they now need to live by. They can dress up and play wedding all they want but they are already married, living together as husband and wife for 5 years. They cannot be married again. If the big wedding was what they wanted that choice could have, and should have, been made 5 years ago. No matter what the reason, they are now married. If they want to have their marriage blessed in church or celebrate their 5 years together, great. A vow renewal or a blessing of the marriage are not gift giving events and you don't dress in a wedding gown and veil or have attendants.
If it were me, I would not even attend. But, if you decide to go, a card is sufficient. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
To give or not to give --friend getting married in church now
