We had a small, intimate but elegant and beautiful wedding with 36 invited guests, full open bar with premium alcolhol on a yacht cruising our local harbor. There were 4 people from whom we did not receive a gift including my bride's wedding planner friend. My bride paid for this friend's airline ticket to fly out from the east coast to the west coast so she could help out with the wedding. We ultimately never received even a card from this woman. I have read many posts here regarding how to handle the situation of not receiving a gift and I am aware of your opinions on this topic, i.e., live with it even as experts such as yourself state it is proper and correct to give a gift.
As is stated by others who have posted the question, no, of course we did not have a wedding just to receive gifts. My issue is one of respect, especially from this woman. She was given a free ticket to come out here, stayed with my bride in her home before the wedding, thereby not incurring any lodging costs, and never told us her services would be her gift. We feel insulted and certainly hurt by this egregious disrespect. We have a hard time just sitting back and accepting it. Yes, she helped out but the yacht had its own wedding planner who effectively was the real planner. Don't we have some recourse here - some way to ask what happened?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Mar 12, 2008, 8:34 AM
Post #2 of 4
(1049 views)
Re: [bsyidmd] What to do about no wedding gifts received
[In reply to]
But your friend came all the way across the country to help you so buying her a ticket and allowing her to stay with you was appropriate. You are somehow seeing this as a free vacation for your friend? Planning a wedding is hard work. She could have just traveled out on her own the day before the wedding, shown up and left that night. I don't really see your point, sorry. Although a card from her wishing you well would have been nice, you don't have control over what she does. However, did you send your friend a card thanking her for providing the help and for her time?
The advice is still the same, as for all other couples asking this question. Be happy that your guests attended. Having close family and friends is the real gift. Without any guests your wedding would be the two of you exchanging vows and having dinner together, not the grand event you planned.
(Note - sometimes guests don't know that they are to send the gift to the home of the bride before the wedding. So, it is completely possible that a gift or card is still coming or could even have been lost. Wouldn't you be embarrassed if you caused an issue and the next day received mail?)
Try to find a way to get past this and don't allow something as trivial as a gift to alter your relationships. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 12, 2008, 10:31 AM
Post #3 of 4
(1042 views)
Re: [bsyidmd] What to do about no wedding gifts received
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. What would you consider proper recourse anyway? To sue her?
The wedding shouldn't be about gifts, but about marrying the one you love. If you choose to invite guests to share the day, you are host and it sounds as if you were a good one. But, to expect something in return isn't fair or polite. After all, you invited them. Yes, it is polite to give a gift if attending a wedding. But, with so many people expecting gifts for just about everything these days, people are become a bit gift-weary. And, this is reflected in our wedding gifts today.
So, I would suggest accepting her gift, which was her presence and assistance, gracefully. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Mar 12, 2008, 12:11 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1035 views)
Re: [bsyidmd] What to do about no wedding gifts received
[In reply to]
I also agree with the other responses.
A gift is a gift, not an admission ticket. You've already acknowledged that in your post - you really should come to terms with it.
If you didn't need extra help because the yacht planner was the "real planner" why did you go to the expense of flying out another one? When pro coordinators travel (whether they are friends or not), they charge for their transportation and accommodations on top of their services. If you are so adamant that she buy you a gift, perhaps you should find out her customary fee for the services she provided and send it to her.
OR, consider her a friend, be grateful that she helped you and supported you and remember that the ultimate worth of a relationship has positively nothing to do with the gifts that were or were not given. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
What to do about no wedding gifts received
