Please help. I am one of 11 bridesmaids in a wedding that has no maid of honor. Only 5 of the bridesmaids have contributed any money or time toward planning any of the events because no one else will step up. Please tell me if I need to bring a gift to the bachelorette party and wedding:
I contributed money, time, and food toward the wedding shower and brought a nice gift.
I am a key planner in the bachelorette party. Of course, the bride is paying for nothing but has specifically requested a limo, wants to go to 3 expensive bars, and asked for a pre-party that consists of a lingerie/”toy” shower. I am sending out the invitations, handling the decorations and party favors, arranging and monetarily contributing toward the limo, and bringing food and alcohol. Do I bring a gift for the lingerie/toy pre-party?
The bride is having her bridesmaid luncheon on the Friday before the wedding and the rehearsal starts at 4 pm. This means I have to take at least ½ day vacation from work. I also spend $200 on my bridesmaid dress.
Do I bring a gift to the wedding?
Like I said, only 5 of the 11 have contributed at all (even though we have asked for help numerous times), and one other bridesmaid and I have contributed the most. Keep in-mind, we are no more special than any of the other bridesmaids ~ the bride just knows we are generous people and keeps asking for more and more. We want to make the bride happy, but when is enough really enough?
(This post was
edited by Overspent on Sep 11, 2005, 11:36 AM)
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Sep 11, 2005, 1:22 PM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: [Overspent] When is enough really enough?
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1. If this expenditure of time and money was something you agreed to from the beginning then it was really part of what you bargained for, right?
2. If you are planning this bachelorette party then host the part you can afford to host and ask all of the bridesmaids (and any other close friends and family) to help. Your bride shouldn't be involved in the planning and really shouldn't be dictating the type of party she wants. Get together with anyone else that is helping to plan the event and discuss the budget. The have a pow-wow with your bride, letting her know your decision, and why you made this choice.
3. You should really try to make it to the bridesmaid's luncheon, if possible. I don't know what your work hours are but if the rehearsal begins at 4 PM most people would have to take the afternoon off just to get ready and travel to the rehearsal anyway. It's a part of what you "signed up" for when accepting the role. This applies to the cost of the dress as well. In the future, if asked to be a bridesmaid and on a tight budget, let the bride know so that the two of you can discuss if it's feasible for you to be a member of the bridal party.
4. Although you gave a gift for the bridal shower you are still expected to give a gift for the wedding, sorry. But the gift does not have to be expensive. Decide what amount your budget can bear and then select a gift within your budget. You could also make a great gift...if you have the creative talent and the time, of course! Items such as keepsakes or engraved and personalized gifts are all nice momentos for the couple to have. From this point forward you have some control of the spending. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
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Sep 11, 2005, 2:38 PM
Post #3 of 5
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Re: [Overspent] When is enough really enough?
[In reply to]
I completely agree. Plus, the bachelorette party is just another optional pre-wedding party that everyone involved has to agree with hosting. If some cannot or will not contribute, then this is their choice. Like the Wedding Queen said, host the party you can afford to host.
Another shower attached to the bachelorette party?? This is something she can ask for, but definitely shouldn't have any hand in planning or hosting. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Overspent
Sep 11, 2005, 9:50 PM
Post #4 of 5
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Re: [Et.byRebecca] When is enough really enough?
[In reply to]
Thank you both for your replies. I guess I didn't make my frustration clear. I never offered to host anything. The bride just calls one or two of us to be the "bad" guys and collect money from the others and to have us all plan the events, but only 5 of the 11 have paid anything or helped with the planning and the bride knows this, yet her expectations of the parties she wants have not changed (we even talked to her about this). We've asked the others numerous times to contribute ~ some say they'll pay but never do and others just avoid the emails and phone calls all together. I'm all about contributing and would have no problem with all 11 contributing the same amount, but believe me, when I said I would be a bridesmaid, I never expected to pay other people’s share of their responsibility. Isn’t having to pay for the parties to supplement the lack of participation from the other bridesmaids gift enough when the bride doesn’t change her expectations of what she wants?
Etiquette Now
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Sep 12, 2005, 9:36 AM
Post #5 of 5
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Re: [Overspent] When is enough really enough?
[In reply to]
You could just stop contributing. It really is not an obligation no matter what the bride's expectation is. She cannot host or plan. Only others can. So, she can ask, but it is your choice to go through with her plans. If you don't want to pay what the other bridesmaids do not, don't.
Please remember, prewedding parties are optional.
About the gift... it is traditional for you to give her one. But, as the Wedding Queen stated, this doesn't have to be expensive. Plus, this could be a joint gift. If you feel that you have given enough, this is your choice. It would be best to tell the bride this also. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
When is enough really enough?
