Long time friends, attended our wedding a few weeks ago (2nds). Today I was informed that donations to a political pac & THEIR local after school arts program was going to be made in our name. I feel this is a no win situation, we are very unhappy with their decision--which is not even appropriate to WHO we are or WHERE we would donate to charity. We had to stretch to throw the party we did, and stretch further to accomodate their 2 teen daughters (which we reluctently went along with). What we would appreciate is, if they don't want to shop for a gift, or get something that we have registered for on line, then write a check, but with our names on it. Is there any way to do this and keep the friends?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 16, 2007, 3:45 PM)
TWQadmin
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Oct 16, 2007, 2:33 PM
Post #2 of 7
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Re: [lynnep] wedding gift "donations"
[In reply to]
We don't host wedings to get gifts - we host weddings so that our friends and family members can be with us to witness us taking our vows and then to help us celebrate afterwards.
Your guests get to choose the gift they'd like to give. You don't get to dictate that to them. Sorry you don't appreciate their gift. Hopefully the charity, and the people it serves, do. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
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Oct 16, 2007, 3:23 PM
Post #3 of 7
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Re: [lynnep] wedding gift "donations"
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I couldn't agree more. Plus, if this is an encore wedding and they gave to either of you before, they are not obligated to give you a gift this time around. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
lynnep
Oct 16, 2007, 3:33 PM
Post #4 of 7
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Re: [Etiquette Now] wedding gift "donations"
[In reply to]
1st, you can't really have it both ways--I quote "Although it is considered obligatory to give a wedding gift if one attends, " 2nd, they did not attend either my wedding to my late husband nor his short one in th 80s. 3rd we did/do not EXPECT a gift, we even paid train & room for the pleasure of a friend who wouldn't have been able to attend otherwise. However, we DO expect to not have the excuse of a gift for a tax write off--and to the OTHER party!
TWQadmin
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Oct 16, 2007, 3:45 PM
Post #5 of 7
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Re: [lynnep] wedding gift "donations"
[In reply to]
Shame on you...weddings are not about gifts. You invite these people because you care about them and want them to be with you on your special day. If you went out of your way to help them attend, then they must be very special to you, If they are special friends, why the bing stink over a gift, especially since you say you weren't expecting one?
Honestly, I don't even understand your question or what you'll even do with the answer. All you're doing now is creating bad memories and possibly alienating some friends. Get over it already and be thankful you have friends attending. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Here, here. And, you quoted only part of what we post. Sure, we give gifts when we attend. But, it isn't obligatory if we had before for a previous wedding. This is written on many posts and in many books.
Many are not giving at all these days due to the gift mania so abundant in our culture. Guests are feeling gift-poor.
Honestly, most couples don't need anything anyway. So, a donation to a charity seems very appropriate. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
I'm inclined to encourage you to tell your friend that you didn't appreciate his or her gift so they can see the level of ingratitude that you are displaying. I'm sure the recipients of the donations in your name are thinking that you're pretty awesome people right about now.
You don't get to choose your gift, period. Understand, if we concede to support the selfishness that this extreme case of "I don't like it and can't return it" reaches, we'll next have to support pre-screening gift lists so brides can decide who can attend based on the gift they're planning to bring.
Many couples have replaced favors with charitable donations on behalf of their guests - not for the tax deduction, and more often than not, not for any savings, but for the pure notion that there is enough materialism in this world and that a wedding day can and should mean more. Would you support the guests calling ahead to find out what the favor will be so they could determine the value of the gift they bring?
Like it or not, the gift-giver chooses the gift, and the recipient can either choose to act graciously, or show their true colors. I hope that you will rise to the occasion. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
wedding gift donations
