Hello. Should one send a gift if a friend decides to get married less than a week before the day and does so in the middle of a work day and asks you to come via a phonecall but you can't attend?
Would your answer be any different if the person asked you to be in the wedding party?
We had been told that they intended to have a party in their new home after the fact to celebrate their marriage but they have yet to do so, and we had just intended to bring a "wedding gift" to them then. In all reality, we are not that close and do not feel it is absolutely necessary to give a gift given the nature of the invitation.
Thank you in advance for your response.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 14, 2005, 2:39 PM
Post #2 of 5
(2683 views)
Re: [juniper] wedding gift for near elopement
[In reply to]
Dear To Gift or Not to Gift,
A gift is given because we want to give. Although, wedding gifts are traditionally given no matter what type of wedding. However, in my opinion even though most people expect wedding gifts, I feel that they are still optional.
How the invitation was offered is of no importance. A wedding invitation can be offered verbally or written. It should illustrate the formality of the wedding, which it seems to in this case.
A wedding gift can be given even if we are not invited. It is a gift to congratulate the person on their pending marriage and is usually sent to the couple before the wedding. But, can be given afterward.
If asked to be in the wedding party, it would seem even more important to give a gift.
Bottom line: if you are close to this person, you may want to give them a gift. If you are not close to them, don't. But, please do not base your decision on the quality of the invitation.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] wedding gift for near elopement
[In reply to]
Yes. I understand your point.
Though it was not the informality of the invite that impacted the gift decision in this case; it was the fact that they were essentially eloping with no care as to who would attend, or at least no care as to whether we would attend. While there was no need for them to rush a wedding 5 days out, they at least contacted some friends as soon as they knew, but contacted my husband less than 2 days before when they should have known that he would not be able to attend a ceremony during the work day with such little notice as he works in a different state. I dont mean to make excuses, but wanted to more fully explain the situation.
Our understanding is that if one elopes and does not invite you, you are not obligated to send a gift though we normally would if the person was particularly close and we were moved to send something anyway. If one essentially elopes by inviting us last minute, we felt the same "rules" would apply. I'm not sure if my husband was asked to be in the wedding party; it is common for that group of friends to have all of 8 guys in their wedding party, even if some are not close like the others. My husband was the last of the 8 to get married and is the only one (other than the guy who "nearly eloped" ) who did not have a large wedding party. We only invited 30 couples to our wedding (most of whom were close family) and had 2 attendants each. Whether or not he was asked to be in the wedding party, we did intend to offer a gift but we just thought we would bring it to their home when they had the "wedding party" that they were expected to have. I think we know now to send it when they get married and not wait for the party.
Thanks!
(This post was
edited by juniper on Dec 14, 2005, 9:40 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 14, 2005, 3:19 PM
Post #4 of 5
(2674 views)
Re: [juniper] wedding gift for near elopement
[In reply to]
I am one of a few etiquette specialist who do not believe an invitation to any type of wedding necessarily obligates one to give a gift. Yet, typically an elopement is one event that is not considered a gift giving situation, because there are essentially no guests.
Give if you wish, but you are not obligated to. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Dec 14, 2005, 4:08 PM
Post #5 of 5
(2668 views)
Re: [juniper] wedding gift for near elopement
[In reply to]
If you were invited, then this is a wedding and not an elopement.
When you receive a wedding invitation, if you intend to send a gift ( I too think differently and feel that gifts should be sent to convey a feeling and not out of obligation), it should be sent to the home of the bride before the wedding.
The gift is given to congratulate the couple for the wedding -- not the reception or party afterwards. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
wedding gift for near elopement
