A good friend of my husband (the friend was our best man) is getting married soon to a girl whom is superficial and treats her future husband like garbage. My husband and I were not invited to their destination wedding, but we were invited to the reception after, which my husband and I are planning on attending. Included in the reception invitation were cards listing where they were registered at, which was a turn-off to me. Upon visiting both registries, I discovered that they registered for an insane amount of items (i.e. 3 bread makers, 2 salad spinners, 4 bathrobes, $2,000 worth of luggage, etc.) The bride told another friend of ours that she intentionally registered for extra items so she can return them to get the money. I am now totally turned off, and don't want to give her anything. But at the same time I am now feeling guilty since I don't want to give her anything so that she cannot indulge her greed, but I want to support our friend, even though I feel he is making a big mistake.
Is my guilt justified, or should I just get over it and get them something from their registry anyway?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 8, 2008, 8:09 AM
Post #2 of 5
(385 views)
Re: Feeling Guilty About Giving a Gift
[In reply to]
You are only obligated to give a gift if invited to the wedding so, according to etiquette, you're not technically obligated to send a gift at all. However, this is your husband's friend and he will probably want to send something. The gift registry is just a list of suggestions. Have your husband select something on his own based on his relationship with the couple and within your budget. make it something that they won't want to return or will have difficulty returning.
The gift registry should not allow the couple to select more than one type of item, though. And, bathrobes and personal items like those really don't belong on a gift registry.
And we wonder why gifts are such a huge part of wedding etiquette? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Jul 8, 2008, 9:17 AM
Post #3 of 5
(383 views)
Re: Feeling Guilty About Giving a Gift
[In reply to]
This friend's fiance has breached one of the cardinal rules of etiquette. The registry information is never included with the invitation. You do not have to choose from the registry, you can make your gift personal and meaningful to your relationship and within your budget. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Jul 8, 2008, 9:26 AM
Post #4 of 5
(381 views)
Re: Feeling Guilty About Giving a Gift
[In reply to]
I agree. A gift isn't required, but because the relationship is so close, it would be a good idea. But choose something for the couple that is a meaningful gift to you, and that you know the groom will really like.
It's fine to be offended, but make sensible choices based on reason, not heightened emotions. Like it or not, he's chosen her, and if you want to remain his friend, it's a relationship you will have to accept. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 8, 2008, 11:54 AM
Post #5 of 5
(374 views)
Re: Feeling Guilty About Giving a Gift
[In reply to]
Wow! Great answers and advice. My work is already done.
I have been reading that more and more etiquette advisors are stating that the wedding gift is not obligatory. This is getting back to our roots. So, perhaps we will, eventually, get back to the real reason for the wedding and reception--to share our joy of uniting with that special someone. That would be very nice indeed. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Feeling Guilty About Giving a Gift
