Why is asking for money as a wedding gift so improper?
My fiance and I have been together for 7 years, and lived together for 4 of those years. We have accumulated enough stuff to furnish a whole other apartment, so we don't need any more dept store gifts. We could really benefit from money as gifts for our wedding to help us start saving to buy a house. I have read in numerous places that it is inappropriate to ask for money in any other way than word of mouth. My question is why? We are the ones starting a new life together and the guests who attend are there to support and celebrate that with us. Not to mention how much money we are spending to have them here to celebrate with us. So why would it be so offensive if we were to note in our invitations that we were registered for, lets say, a new home registry online in which they could donate monetary gifts? Besides, the point of a gift is to give something that others would want, enjoy or need, right?
Thank You!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 3, 2007, 9:22 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 4, 2007, 5:06 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1850 views)
Re: [steamboat313] Why is asking for money as a wedding gift so improper?
[In reply to]
Dear Steamboat,
We have many posts in which you could read why this thinking is viewed as greedy and presumptuous. It would be beneficial to read a few of them. Plus, you may want to read a very recent tirade Miss Manners just wrote about guests rebelling against this type of thinking. It would be easy to find if you search for it.
Just try to think of it this way. You are marrying to be legally wed. Hopefully you are not marrying to gain wealth from others.
Guests typically think: "Why would we want to help this person purchase a home?" when they hear of a host expecting or (even worse) requesting money for a home. And, we never mention gifts in our invitations. This places the focus on the gifts and not on what the event is supposed to be--the legal joining of two people into matrimony.
You mentioned that you are 'spending money' on your guests. This isn't mandatory. If you are concerned with the expense of guests, don't invite them. But, if you do, you are a host. A host considers the comfort of the guest, not how much he/she will receive from each of them.
Please consider others and how they may feel about handing over their hard earned cash just because you decided to marry. Guests want to choose what they give and typically don't respond well to being told what they are to give.
You may create a fund for your home, but it may be best to prepare yourself for not receiving any type of gift. This is happening quite often these days.
Why is asking for money as a wedding gift so improper?
