My husbands cousin became engaged a few weeks ago and my mother in law had sent them $100. My husbands brother was at their home when the gift was received and his Aunt made such a fuss about how she gave both her nephews (my husband and his brother) $500 when they became engaged and she couldn't believe that this was all that was received. Mind you she said all this in front of her nephew, my mother in-laws own son, and she told him not to say anything to her. Now of course he did, which is what she wanted because she expected to get a phone call from her but never did. So yesterday she actually called up my mother in-law and confronted her about it. How she mailed her children each $500 dollars and she couldn't believe that this was all her daughter was sent, blah, blah, blah. My mother-in law is so embarrassed and now feels obligated to send more money along with a note apologizing to the bride and groom.
My question is..... Don't you find this a disgrace? Also, my husband and I swear along with his brother and his wife that we never received such a gift from her. She was very generous with a wedding gift and we remember that. I was always brought up to accept gifts graciously and I just find this to be outrageous. I would love to hear your comments and I apologize for the length but I had to get this off my chest.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 23, 2004, 4:40 PM
Post #2 of 4
(9201 views)
Re: [Lovey1] Engagement gift etiquette
[In reply to]
I agree with you wholeheartedly! Firstly, it was very kind and generous of your mother-in-law to send such a gift, ANY gift! This "keeping up with the Jones' thing" is nonsense. This woman's son (your cousin) should admonish his mother for her rudeness (as should your husband and his brother) and he should immediately call his Aunt and graciously thank her for the generous gift. UGH!
Glad we can offer you the venue for venting! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 23, 2004, 6:09 PM
Post #3 of 4
(9196 views)
Re: [Lovey1] Engagement gift etiquette
[In reply to]
Dear Engagement,
Yikes!!! I think she might have a problem, besides acting impolitely to say the least. And, I agree. Her behavior was disgraceful.
An engagement is not necessarily a gift giving event anyway. Jeez. The gift was generous and kind and the reception was... well, not. I hope your mother-in-law does not bow down to the emotional black mail that was thrown at her. She did nothing wrong.
Re: [Lovey1] Engagement gift etiquette
[In reply to]
Dear Lovey1,
Wow, that woman would win a "Rude Award" if there was one to give away. I could not tell from your message if the two women are sisters or sisters-in-law. If they are sisters, I do hope they can work it out. If they are sisters-in-law, clearly there is a great deal of tension in their relationship.
There are so many things wrong with that woman's behavior, I am not sure where to begin. First, invitations are not invoices. Just because someone is engaged does not mean that friends and family are obligated to give monetary gifts. Second, when one gives a gift, it is based upon the giver's budget, not the receiver's (or receiver's mother's) idea of what a guest should give. Third, to say anything negative about a gift is gauche. Fourth, to say something rude in front of the giver's child is horrid. Fifth, to call the giver and berate the gift is gauche and tacky. Sixth, gifts are not quid pro quo. Just because she gave (which sounds like you are doubting anyways) a large gift to her nephews does not obligate your mother-in-law to do the same.
I do hope your mother-in-law was able to keep her cool. Your mother-in-law should find time to speak with the bridal couple to say that she hopes they know that her gift was meant as a token of her well wish and that she is so happy for them. Additionally, she should do whatever she can to find a special wedding gifts.
Whether or not to address this directly with your husband's aunt depends on the actual relationship and the family dynamics. Good luck and I hope you can stay far away from that woman!
Engagement gift etiquette
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