We are paying, in entirety, for our daughter's wedding, with the exception of the rehearsal dinner. Our daughter & future son-in-law are not paying for any of the wedding costs either.
I am wondering how to address the inner envelopes of the wedding invitations. The etiquette advice I've found online says that the formal way is to write: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and the informal way is to write: John and Kate (or whatever the familiar names are, such as Uncle John and Aunt Kate).
But I still don't understand quite how this works. My husband & I are hosting the wedding and reception, so would I address the invitation as I would any other party that we are hosting? Here is an example: I'm sending an invitation to my mother. It would seem strange to write, "Mrs. Smith" on the inner envelope, of course, but do I write "Mom" (as from me and my husband) or "Grandma" (which is what my daughter calls her)?
For the future son-in-law's family/friends, most of whom my husband and I have never met, do I use the more formal address on the inner envelopes (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. Smith)? What about for his parents - again, as hosts, I feel I should write their first names, and not "Mom and Dad", as if the invitation is from their son and not us, but I'm not sure what is correct.
I hope I've explained this well enough for you to understand and help me! Thank you.
Even though you are paying, which is very generous these days, your daughter and her fiance should be sending these. They are the ultimate hosts. So, these should be addressed as if they are sending them, which they should be.
Do I understand correctly that my daughter & future son-in-law should be the ones actually sending the invitations (i.e., addressing them)? If this is the case, what is the reason behind it? My handwriting is better than my daughter's so I thought that I would be the better choice to address the invitations.
When I married (28 years ago), my mother sent out the invitations, and I'm pretty sure that she considered she and my father to be hosts of my wedding (they did pay for the entire wedding) and would have addressed the inner envelopes to reflect that. Were we incorrect then (not that it matters, all this time later!) or has etiquette changed?
Etiquette has indeed changed to reflect the way we live our lives now. Our children are much more independent than we were when we were young. They are usually more educated and have good jobs. Typically they wait longer to marry. They also, many times, live outside the home before marrying.
So, parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's weddings, they don't plan, or invite. But, if your daughter wishes you to address the invitations because your handwriting is better, this is a good choice.
If you are the one keeping track of the responses, your return address would be on the envelope of the response card. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
I understand the logic behind the engaged couple being the ones to issue the invitations if they are the ones paying for the wedding (or even paying for part of it), but I don't quite understand the logic behind issuing the invitations as if they are from the engaged couple if they are not actually paying for the wedding. I am not trying to be argumentative, just to understand.
It is because it is their wedding. You are not expected or required to pay for it. You did and it is very generous. But, they are still the 'real' hosts, because it is their wedding. The money you spent for the wedding was a gift.
Because it is their wedding, they invite.
This isn't the old days where the young lady stayed home and was educated in the ways of being the proper young lady and wife. At that time, a young man would take her from her home and they would make a new home. Of course her parents would pay for their wedding. After all she had no money of her own. We don't live in those days any more.
If you have a problem with this, you can address them any way you wish. It isn't wrong to address the inner envelope with formal names. Then you don't have to worry about who is inviting. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Thank you again for your reply and explanation. Maybe it's the fault of my husband and myself, but there was never any question (by us, or by our daughter) that we would pay for our daughter's wedding. She recently graduated college and has no money of her own, though she did finally find a job and is living outside our home. There is no way she and her fiance could have afforded a wedding at all, let alone one like we are providing.
I did think of exactly your last suggestion - to address the inner envelopes more formally. I believe that's what I'll do, except for anyone my daughter would call by their first names. I just feel more comfortable doing that since we are hosting this event (call me old-fashioned, and I won't disagree! )
Addressing inner envelopes of wedding invitations
