My parents divorced when I was very young. They have long since remarried. Biodad and stepmom were out of the picture for many years because of a great deal of enmity between him and my biomom. As an adult, I have established a new relationship with biodad/stepmom, and am thrilled to have two sets of parents who love me. Both sets of parents are financially responsible for the groom's portion of my wedding. My fiancee and I have included her parents and both sets of my parents on the invitation, since they are all paying for some of it. Now biomom/stepdad are LIVID that I would include the other set. I was under the impression that he who pays gets written on the invitation, and was trying to be repectful. Am I wrong for doing that? Can anyone point out some real hard evidence to support my actions so that I can respectfully inform the angry set that they can do whatever they like, but that it was intended to be a loving gesture for all involved?
With today's multiple parent families, this is a common problem. But, you and your fiancee were correct to include all of the parents on the invitation. According to the known 'expert' Peggy Post (taking over for Emily Post) "Whoever hosts the wedding is traditionally featured on the invitation." All of the parents are contributing, so they should be mentioned as hosts.
Hopefully this will help calm your biomom/stepdad (love the names by the way). Feelings become quite intense during a wedding, as I'm sure you have noticed. So, the calmer you can approach these touchy issues the easier it will be for everyone. By the tone and language of your letter, I'm sure you already know this.
Best wishes for both of you! Congratulations on your up-coming wedding. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Thank you very much for the reassurance. Can you possibly give me a link to the quote you used so that I can reference it to my Stepdad? He's a very analytical person, and it would be better for me to have evidence when I approach this situation.
You can also find the same information in her book, Emily Post's Etiquette, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, both by Peggy Post, or just about any other etiquette book. I have many and they all say the same thing.
Rules change every once in a while so I check in with the 'experts' often. Even so, I get caught in old etiquette ruts at times. Perhaps your step-father is suffering from the same affliction. I think he will appreciate the update.
Divorced parents nightmare!
