What a great site, unfortunately, I couldn't find anythng specific to our family's situation.
My niece is getting married in a month in a half and our side of the family (FOB) just received the invitation, but it didn't include my brother (FOB) as hosting....The situation is this, the parents of the bride just finalized their divorce last year. The mother doesn't work, but yet is supported by brother (FOB) and lives in their mansion which he pays for until it is sold and split.
The invitation states:
Your presence is requested by (MOB) at the marriage ceremony of her daughter. I can't tell you how much this hurt my brother and our family. My brother spoke with the bride and said stated, she didn't mean to hurt him, but that Mom is paying for 95% of the wedding and this is what she was told to do. My brother replied, "where does your mother get her money".
Isn't this soooo wrong? There was no mention of his name at all or the groom's parents which I find extremely odd.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 26, 2008, 1:34 PM
Post #2 of 5
(281 views)
Re: Excluding Father from invitation
[In reply to]
Dear Peanuts,
This really isn't anything the family should be discussing even though I'm sure there are hurt feelings. This is simply a piece of paper. Yes, it is symbolic. But, it is just a piece of paper and not something the family should be up in arms about. Divorce is difficult enough without everyone judging the ex or anyone else. We don't know the entire story and we shouldn't.
The etiquette side of this, is that the person who is hosting is usually listed as host. Hopefully this will change very soon since parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's weddings, so everything they contribute is a gift. But for now, it was correct to only list her mother as host. It would have been nice to consider where her mother received the money for her wedding, but maybe she did. We don't know exactly and it isn't any of our business.
The groom's parents aren't usually listed unless they are playing a big part in the wedding. So, this is normal.
Unfortunately the bride did not know that she could have listed all of the parents even if they didn't contribute or play a part. They would be listed under the couple's names. This is not a huge crime and not worthy of our disdain.
I hope everyone can calm down and focus on what is really important. Two people are marrying soon. This is special.
Re: Excluding Father from invitation
[In reply to]
I wholeheartedly agree with Rebecca.
Hopefully the father of the bride can put this aside and enjoy his day with his daughter. To stir up the pot would surely make the wedding, and the planning, more uncomfortable. As rebecca points out, the invitation isn't what is important and having your guests knowing who has paid isn't important either (but I agree the situation seems annoying). What is important is the relationships here.
Best wishes for celebrating a wonderful event. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Peanuts
Jul 29, 2008, 12:50 PM
Post #4 of 5
(240 views)
Re: Excluding Father from invitation
[In reply to]
I guess this sends a clear message to our children, that money is all that counts and not honoring the parents who cared for them all of their lives.....I clearly agree to dissagree on this advice.....In addition, the bride is having her "mother only" walk her down the aisle...There is more to this situation, but clearly the disrespect for the father shouts loud and clear.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 29, 2008, 1:30 PM
Post #5 of 5
(231 views)
Re: Excluding Father from invitation
[In reply to]
Well, of course we give you this advice not knowing all about your family. We can only give topical advice.
I agree that parents should be honored, but, how they are honored is what differs. If your daughter hasn't learned this by the time she's getting married, that ship may have already sailed. Perhaps your husband could just tell her that he is disappointed and let that be. But, it sounds more like you need some family counseling than etiquette advice since our etiquette advice wonlt really help you now. That ship, too, has sailed, right? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Excluding Father from invitation
