My son and future daughter-in-law just ordered their invitations. Called and read them to us and we noted that our names were not included. We are devastated that our names have been left off. Her parents are hosting the wedding and as they are divorced and both re-married two complete sets of her parents are listed. Are we wrong to be so up-set? Couldn't our names have simply been listed below his after the words "son of". Where we live it is a standard custom to have all parents listed - regardless of who is paying/hosting the wedding. Can you help us to not feel so left out
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 3, 2007, 11:15 AM
Post #2 of 13
(770 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
Dear Cbal,
They did nothing wrong. They could have included your names, but this is optional.
The bride parents (and you) are not financially responsible any more. The fact that they paid for this is very generous. So, it is proper they are mentioned as hosts.
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
I understand your reply, but unless you have been in this situation you can't understand our hurt. Would it have been out of line to simply have our names listed under the grooms name?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 3, 2007, 3:04 PM
Post #4 of 13
(757 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
Any parent can understand your feelings, however, you asked about etiquette. Only the names of the host are required. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
cbal55
May 4, 2007, 6:48 AM
Post #5 of 13
(742 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
I'm sorry to disagree. When it comes to matters of the heart, etiquette sometimes has to take a backseat to family obligations and emotions. Life isn't always as black and white as your etiquette book.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 4, 2007, 7:08 AM
Post #6 of 13
(739 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
Again, you are asking us about etiquette. We told you about etiquette. I'm sorry that you are hurt.
Speak to your son about your feelings. It's possible he just didn't think it would be important to you. However, there isn't much to be done about this issue anyway since the invitations have been sent. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 4, 2007, 7:10 AM)
cbal55
May 4, 2007, 7:43 AM
Post #7 of 13
(737 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
OK....then maybe you can suggest a response to my side of the family and our family friends when then call and ask why we were omitted from the invitations. I expect many calls and inquires as to the reason of we weren't listed.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 4, 2007, 8:00 AM
Post #8 of 13
(733 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
There really shouldn't be any questions about why you're not listed as hosts. That would be rude. However, if someone does ask you could simply say that the wedding is being hosted by the bride's parents. This is not a wedding announcement. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
cbal55
May 4, 2007, 9:48 AM
Post #9 of 13
(731 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
But...you are still missing the point. Having her two sets of parents listed as hosts has nothing to do with simply having our names listed below our son's name as parents "of". It is simple courtesy to list our names regardless of whether we are hosting or not. Every wedding we have been invited to has listed ALL parents - hosting or not. Again...etiquette AND simply courtesy can go hand in hand.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 4, 2007, 10:33 AM
Post #10 of 13
(726 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
As Rebecca said, listing the parents names is considered optional. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 4, 2007, 12:02 PM
Post #11 of 13
(722 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
I suggest if anyone asks, which shouldn't happen, refer the person to any etiquette book.
It seems that because you are hurt and have never seen a an invitation that honors the hosting parents, it may be best to talk to someone about your feelings. No one can change what has happened. And, no one can say that your son and his future wife did anything wrong. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
cbal55
May 7, 2007, 7:48 AM
Post #12 of 13
(694 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
We have not problems "honoring" the hosting parents...again...it is just about being considerate to also mention the grooms parents. The only time we have seen parents of the groom omitted are when they disaprove of the wedding and that is NOT the case here. And as far as talking to someone about my feelings...I thought that was what I was doing on this here!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 7, 2007, 8:10 AM
Post #13 of 13
(692 views)
Re: [cbal55] Grooms Parents on Invitation
[In reply to]
We are not family therapists or counselors. We are wedding professionals. We give etiquette advice.
The etiquette answer was given. Only the hosts of the event must be noted on the invitation. If the couple also wishes to list parents not hosting it is their perogative.
I would suggest discussing this with your son. However, there isn't much to be done about this issue since the invitations have already gone out. Perhaps, when/if the announcements go out you ccan be mentioned there. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 7, 2007, 8:14 AM)
Grooms Parents on Invitation
