Before sending out my invitations I made several attempts to cut my guest list as much as possible to get our list under 350. I had to cut people that I actually like and would have liked to have at our wedding, but due to our budget, we couldn't invite everyone. That being said, one person that actually never was on our guest list, being my Fiance's sisters, Carols childrens father, John. While Carol and John are no longer together, she still finds it necessary to bring him to all family functions, even though he isn't well liked by any family members. While addressing my invitations I was careful to address hers to Ms. Carol Johnson, Ella & James (the 2 children). No where on that did I indicate that John was invited. He is far from an upstanding citizen, and just to give you a little back story, he is a drug addict who has been in and out of jail for the last 5 years, (since he turned 18), and is actually currently doing some jail time for running from the cops. Now Carol RSVP'd with her, the childrens, and Johns name on the invitation! My Fiance called to let her know that he was not invited, which turned into her telling him that if John was not invited, she and the children would not be coming. That also causes problems as her son is our ring baerer. Now I could understand if she were mad if I had but Ms. Carol Johnson & Guest on her invitation, because then we would just be picking and choosing who she could bring. However we left off the option of guest purposely, hoping to avoid this whole situation. This person is someone neither I, nor my fiance want at our wedding, however we do want his sister and her children to be there. What is the proper way to handle this situation?
PS. I hope I posted this in the correct forum. I am new to this site and couldn't find something that this fit in exactly!
Thanks!
TWQadmin
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Post #2 of 4
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Re: How to handle this situation properly
[In reply to]
There is no reason you have to invite tis unsavory character. Just tell her that, once again, he is not invited and if she sees fit not to come because her ex isn't invited, well, then you'll miss her. It would be a shame to disappoint the child but, as his mother, that is her choice to make. You can have a wedding without a ring bearer or you can choose another. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Post #3 of 4
(479 views)
Re: How to handle this situation properly
[In reply to]
I totally agree. You can do without the ring bearer if she continues to insist that she will not attend without him. Her choice to maintain a relationship with this person is her personal decision and the family should not be forced to accept his presence. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #4 of 4
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Re: How to handle this situation properly
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. Some people just do not know how to be good guests, so this will be a learning experience. If we are guests, we honor the host by abiding by the intent of the invitation. We cannot have it our way all the time. We are not the center of the universe.
It is unfortunate this happened, but she is the only one who can make the decision of attending or no within the limits of the invitation. Either she attends as invited or she stays home with her ex. Her decision. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
How to handle this situation properly
