My new step daughter is getting married soon. I'm not close to her. I have married her father just a few months ago. My husband and I are paying for the banquet. The groom's parents are not paying; they asked, but his parents refused to contribute. My step daughter's mother is deceased.
The wording on their invitations is as follow:
Mr Her Father
request the honor of your presence, etc. at the marriage of
Bride to Groom,
son of Mr and Mrs His Parents.
My husband has offered to pay to reprint the invitation to include me, but she refused. Since her father and I are paying for the banquet, does that mean we are hosting or they are hosting? I feel this is disrespect to me. Do I have reason to feel disrespected? What is the proper way for them to show their appreciation to me, if they appreciate?
Thank you for your advice in advance.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 6
(254 views)
Re: Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
[In reply to]
Dear Jade,
Does it really matter at this point? Invitations are only a piece of paper and not something we should use to harm others.
She may not have realized that she should have listed you on her invitations. Perhaps she considered the contribution of the banquet as a gift, which is should be. And, at that point, she may have felt that only the biological parents should be listed as a reference for her guests. We don't really know what her motives are, but it is best to let this go. It is only a piece of paper. Maybe you two can get to know each other better in the future if you are the one to hold out the olive branch.
Re: Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
[In reply to]
Dear Rebecca,
Thanks for the prompt response. It's good to have an expert opinion on the issue. I know this should not be used to harm others and there should be no string attach to the gift (yes, I treat that banquet as a gift). I'm just so sad when I see others' questions regarding how they should handle things to avoid hurting their blended family and wish I have such "family".
Jade
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #4 of 6
(246 views)
Re: Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
[In reply to]
Hi Jade -
Making an issue of the invitation will not win over the bride. In fact, she may view it as petty. It certainly won't bring you two closer.
Remember, the bride's mother has died and I'm sure she's feeling very emotional right now. She probably has lots of feelings going on, and she has to sort them all out. My mother died before I married. I can tell you from experience that it was certainly a bittersweet time for me, my dad and my entire family.
I would just try to be a great role model for mature behavior for this young woman and let all of this roll off your back. Keep working on the relationship and I'll bet, in time, you'll see her come around and maybe you two can have a nice relationship. For now, just try to think about how the bride and her father feel and come up with ways to help. Be supportive. Ask if you can help, but try not to be offended if your offers are rejected.
Best of luck with all of this. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
jade4
Post #5 of 6
(241 views)
Re: Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
[In reply to]
Dear Top Wedding Queen,
A little bit more on my feeling - I received nothing from her (25) and her younger sister (21) when I married their father, not even a card. I didn't mention anything to their father until this incident. I've been trying very hard to forget everything she has done to me (unsuccessful so far). Maybe after the honeymoon (we are going to Alaska tomorrow), I'll feel better.
Thank you for your advice. It's good to know that my husband and wedding etiquette expert agreed that my name should be listed on the invitation. btw, my father died before my first marriage. I was close to him. I understand it could be emotional for her at this time.
Jade
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #6 of 6
(237 views)
Re: Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
[In reply to]
Hang in there, Jade. It's not easy stepping into this role. Perhaps once the bride gets married and sees how difficult it is to navigate the in-law relationships you may have more luck. maybe your husband can help soften things up too. You have my sincerest best wishes. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Invitation Wording for Step Mom Host
