Hi there and an anticipated THANK YOU (and I'm sorry this is so long)!
I got married around 9 years ago. A few months prior to that my cousin got married. I am not terribly close to my cousin but his fiancee asked me to be in the wedding and of course I said yes. It was a lot of work, especially while planning my own wedding, and I was the only bridesmaid in the area so I learned how to pin up her dress, did favors... the whole nine yards. For my own wedding I did not ask her to take part as I had a lot of friends and we were not close.
After being in her wedding and going through all of the issues, she shows up at my wedding in tight leather pants and proceeds to dance like a stripper on the floor. Of course all the men loved it, but I was appalled. After my wedding she then began spreading vicious rumors through my family that caused her new in-laws (my Aunt and Uncle) to stop speaking to my parents. I confronted her directly to ask her to stop, instead I got screamed at while she said horrible vicious things about me and my family.
It is 8 years later and I am getting remarried. I see my cousin at family events and sometimes his kids - but if I am present his wife almost never shows up. My father and his brother finally repaired their relationship, but my mother and Aunt still haven't spoken.
I really want to invite my cousin to the wedding, I love him. But this woman is mean and vicious and i wouldn't put it past her to come to the wedding just to ruin my day or cause drama. My fiancee knows about my past and has "forbidden" her to come - but I would like my cousin there. Please bear in mind I only see my cousin or Uncle at some family events and never talk to them otherwise.
I don't want to call them and talk about it directly, as it will bring up some very deep old wounds. I could just not invite my cousin - but I want him there so that's frustrating.
My current thought is to just put his name on the invitation. If his wife comes, I'll suck it up - but at least I've made it clear I'm not expressly inviting her.
Please let me know if that's ok, or if there is a better option available.
Thank you! Bronwynn
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 13, 2009, 9:06 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 2
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Re: Inviting cousin to the wedding but not his wife
[In reply to]
Dear Bronwynn,
The rule is that we invite the significant others of our guests to the wedding. We don't have to invite those who are abusive though. But still, this is not someone you see often and it would be much easier and more polite just not to invite him. It really would be very insulting to her for the invitation to arrive at their home in only his name. So, it is your choice, but it would be best to claim a small guest list and skip his name.
Inviting cousin to the wedding but not his wife
