Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
Hi,
My fiancé would like to invite his ex-stepfather to our wedding to honor the relationship he had with him when he was growing up (his mother and the ex-stepfather were together eight years). However, the ex-stepfather became the ex when he (out of nowhere) abandoned my fiancé's mother for another woman. My fiancé does not want to invite the ex-stepfather's new family (he would just put Mr.--- on the invite, no "& family"), but his mother says it would be rude to not invite the family as well. She also says it would be rude for the ex and his new family to show up at the wedding, but most people I know aren't Emily Post. I think my fiancé should do what he wants. Is it rude not to invite the new family as well? Should I care?
Thanks,
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 22, 2007, 10:26 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 22, 2007, 11:20 AM
Post #2 of 5
(310 views)
Re: [corten_steel] Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
[In reply to]
Dear Corten,
It would be awkward to invite him and not very polite to his mother. Plus, if he is invited, his wife would have to be invited as well. It isn't obligatory to invite the entire family.
Not everyone has to be Emily Post, but it is best to consider other's feelings. This is what following proper etiquette really is.
Re: [Etiquette Now] Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
[In reply to]
Thank you for your response. It changes things a bit if you consider the new wife coming with the ex-stepfather.
As much as my fiancé's mother would be upset by her second ex-husband appearing at our wedding and/or reception, she thinks it would be rude not to invite him and this would bother her. (She thinks that if he's polite, he'll know he's not supposed to come).
I would really rather avoid the potential drama all together: if we invite him, he might mistake the invitation as a genuine invitation (not a "we're trying to be polite invitation") and show up. Is there some other way my fiancé could honor the ex-stepfather without running the risk of a major blowout at our wedding? (I think it's a low risk given the mother's insistence on proper behavior, but I know that despite all the seven or eight years that have passed, the wound is still fairly raw for her).
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 22, 2007, 6:25 PM
Post #4 of 5
(295 views)
Re: [corten_steel] Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
[In reply to]
Honestly, if he is invited, he very well may bring his wife. Plus, it is an invitation, not a polite nod.
The groom could simply go out to dinner with him and share some private time. He doesn't need to honor him at the wedding. How would he honor him and at the same time explain why the stepfather isn't there? It just doesn't seem possible. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
corten_steel
Oct 23, 2007, 6:00 PM
Post #5 of 5
(272 views)
Re: [Etiquette Now] Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
[In reply to]
Again, thank you.
As a clarification, I did not mean that my fiancé would do something *at the wedding* to show his respect for the ex-stepfather. My fiancé and I could go to dinner with him and meet his wife (my fiancé has never met her) - that's a great a idea. I would be more comfortable with that and I think ultimately so would my fiancé and his mother.
Send wedding invitation to the ex-stepfather and new family
