I have looked through the "uninvited guest" search, but I haven't found an answer to my particular problem. So I apologize if this has been asked before & it escaped my search.
The response cards I sent out with my invitations had the names of the invited guests listed, along with check boxes to say if they were attending or not. I told people it was so I wouldn't have to worry about reading messy writing, but it also served another purpose: to be clear on who was invited (just in case listing the names on the envelopes wasn't enough).
I sent an invitation to some old family friends that we knew growing up, and received it back today with some not attending, BUT they wrote in a girlfriend for one of their sons! I think they assumed that since some of the family wasn't attending, they could replace them with someone else. I did some checking, and they are not within our criteria of inviting guests (dating exclusively for >1 year, living together, engaged, married). I have had others ask me if they could bring their short-term significant others, and I have gently told them no.
I don't want this girl there, as it wouldn't be fair to others that were respectful of our wishes, plus I'd have to pay for a stranger's meal. On the other hand, I don't know what I would say to them.
What should I do?
(This post was
edited by thebride2b on Aug 12, 2008, 10:08 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 12, 2008, 2:12 PM
Post #2 of 5
(390 views)
Re: Some guests RSVP'd no and then added others
[In reply to]
Dear Thebride2b,
A few years ago, we would never have written the names of those invited on a response card, but then again we didn't use them because guests knew how to be good guests and would handwrite a formal response. Of course they would also know that only those invited are invited. Jeez, I'm sorry.
Some would find it impolite to tell your guests that they cannot bring this person. But, there really is nothing impolite about it. Either you or a family member could call them and let them know that your list is tight and you cannot allow for dates.
Re: Some guests RSVP'd no and then added others
[In reply to]
Thank-you for your reply, Rebecca.
However, I feel that if I should call them to tell them that the list is tight, they will come back and say, "Well, some others in the family are not coming, so she can take one of their spots."
How should I handle this response?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 13, 2008, 11:17 AM
Post #4 of 5
(368 views)
Re: Some guests RSVP'd no and then added others
[In reply to]
It is perfectly fine to be completely honest and state that you have not allowed others to bring dates, so it wouldn't be fair to all. You could add that you are trying very hard to be fair to everyone without going over your guest count.
It is unfortunate that there are so many people who do not know how to be good guests. Hopefully more people will read posts like this and learn. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
thebride2b
Aug 13, 2008, 4:00 PM
Post #5 of 5
(362 views)
Re: Some guests RSVP'd no and then added others
[In reply to]
Some guests RSVP'd no and then added others
