We've sent out our invitations and haven't received RSVP cards from all of the guests (we're down to 2 weeks before the event). I solicited some advice from my friends who advised me to contact each guest from which there was no response to get a yay/nay. To be very frank, I spent over $500 on invitations, which included an RSVP card WITH a pre-stamped envelope. I don't have time to spend the better part of a day tracking down people who are too lazy to simply put an envelope in the mailbox. In our invitations, we expressed that we will have a hostess/gatekeeper at the entrance of the reception venue (with a list of individuals who responded that they would attend). If they're not on that list, I have no intention of letting them in.
After I've spent some time reflecting, I'd like to know, is this a proper way of getting around people who haven't sent in their RSVP? I'm really just trying to make this simple for my fiance and me since we are PAYING for the event and don't really have the time to gather information from all of the stragglers. We need to have our food count into the caterer by the end of this week and plan on paying ahead of time for beverages/booze at that time as well. The last thing I need is someone showing up who didn't RSVP, or worse yet, everyone showing up who didn't RSVP.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Dec 30, 2007, 5:24 PM)
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Dec 30, 2007, 8:05 PM
Post #2 of 5
(1323 views)
Re: [rebmilsch] Wedding RSVP cards not received
[In reply to]
I imagine from the tone of your e-mail that this process has been fairly stressful for you, and I sympathize. It's not easy to plan a wedding with all of the detail and emotion involved.
That said, I assume that you invited people about whom you care a great deal. It's certainly not polite to fail to respond to an invitation, but it's rarely meant with malice. A lot of times people just get side-tracked (remember that their lives are going on while yours is in wedding mode). It is a courtesy to your guests and a favor to yourself to ensure that non-responders are called or contacted during the last couple of weeks prior to the wedding. It doesn't matter if you spent $500 or $5000 on the invitations - if you want your loved ones to share your big day AND you want to keep your caterer sane (a very good idea), start calling now. Split the list with your honor attendants and/or parents to help keep the numbers down if you'd like, but give the misguided invitees a fighting chance - or at least a break.
And as for the wedding day, do as you feel appropriate, but remember that every person that you "send" away is probably a friend you just lost. Make sure you can live with that before you draw the line in the sand. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 30, 2007, 8:45 PM
Post #3 of 5
(1323 views)
Re: [rebmilsch] Wedding RSVP cards not received
[In reply to]
Dear Rebmilsch,
I can understand your frustration, but many do not know how to be good guests these days. However, I would imagine that you invited your guests because you wanted them to attend, so it is best to assume that they are. Your invitation cannot be revoked just because they didn't respond. This would be viewed as very impolite, and to be frank, vindictive.
It is also in poor form to have a gate-keeper at your wedding checking the guest list for those who have responded. It is like telling those guests who didn't respond that they are bad children for not responding. And, to mention this in your invitations could be viewed as off-putting, which could be why so many have not responded.
Plus, most couples are paying for their weddings these days. After all, it is their wedding and they decide to share it with others. It really is your decision to host guests, but when you do offer, it is polite to actually host.
And, yes. The best way to remind guests to respond is to ask someone to call each and ask if the guest plans to attend.
Re: [rebmilsch] Wedding RSVP cards not received
[In reply to]
I agree with the other ladies. It is unfortunate that some of your guests did not respond, but, don't assume that they are being rude. Some may be rude or insensitive, but consider that they may not have received their invitation. It could have gotten lost in the mail, had an incorrect address or been misplaced by a family member. Perhaps they are having some personal issues of which you are unaware. It is best to call each guest who has not responded to find out if they will be attending. Even if you get no response by phone you should still plan for them to attend. Let your caterer know how many guests have not responded so they can plan to have additional meals. Typically a table is set up near the back of the venue for extra guests.
Unfortunately, unless you are asked specifically, as we are here, it is not your role to let other people know when they are being rude. All of us would just love to be the etiquette police. I know I would! Just last night I was having dinner at a table next to a woman who was obviously sick. She was sneezing and blowing her nose right at the table - yuk! None of us enjoyed ourselves and we left early. But, to inform this woman of her indescretion and insensitivity to those around her would have made me just as rude.
Perhaps you could find out of there is a homeless shelter or other sort of facility in the area to which you could donate leftover food, if some guests don't show.
Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown
Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
rebmilsch
Dec 31, 2007, 10:38 AM
Post #5 of 5
(1306 views)
Re: [rebmilsch] Wedding RSVP cards not received
[In reply to]
Thank you for the wonderful advice - I guess what I really needed was an outside perspective. It's difficult when you're trying to be superbride and make everyone else happy at YOUR wedding. Nonetheless, you all are right. On our invitations, I actually didn't specify that there would be a gatekeeper at the reception, however, we requested guests bring their invitations with to confirm with an attendant at the entrance, simply because there was another event as well as another wedding reception going on at our venue, so we wanted to make sure all of our guests were in the correct place. I had simply toyed with the idea of using the set-up to keep a flood of guests who did not respond from getting in, but after reading your responses, I see how that would come off as snotty and unnecessary, especially being that, yes, they were invited for a reason.
I really like the idea of having a "straggler" table set-up at the back of the hall for guests who attended but did not RSVP, as well as being able to donate what food was not consumed. As of right now, we have about 40 invitations which we have received no response, so my mother, fiance and I will contact who we can to get a confirmation, and plan on setting up extra space for those who decided to come anyway. Hopefully we can get it down to about half that and we won't be out a ridiculous amount of money for food that was not consumed and table/place settings that were not used.
Wedding RSVP cards not received
