My fiance is a great guy. He had a wild youth but has matured and grown into a man with a good business, savings and respectable behavior.
His friends are a different story.
My fiance and I have not yet gotten to the guest list negotiations, and I am prepared to accept the garden variety flotsam and jetsom we will invite in the name of "lifelong friends" (his friends, and since he's 25, mostly he is still in contact and they have not yet completed parted company even though the phone calls are much less these days).
But there are 2 that I object to wholeheartedly. One has a record almost 2 pages long for some pretty bad and serious offences. He is not on parole anymore, I don't think, and is having a hard time holding down a job. The other is a man, about 50 years old, who is the loudest, most obnoxious, dirty and vulgar person I've ever met. He prides himself on this. He is also a drug user and alcoholic, he is toothless and physically dirty. He and his long term girlfriend think nothing of shouting obcenities across crowded rooms.
I know his other friends aren't perfect, but I feel I can trust them to keep some level of decorum, but as for the first friend, I think he is vile and I hate the sight of him, and as for the second, I couldn't bring myself to ask my mom to pay for his dinner.
A few other details: this is a small wedding and being close to these people is unavoidable. One thing in my favor: it might be a destination wedding so these 2 may not come, but I don't want to risk it.
The usual rule of: all or none does not apply. We are already inviting close friends and my fiance considers these 2 in that category. My etiquette books do not cover this!
It is very generous of your mother to pay for your wedding. Most couples pay for their weddings these days. Mom deserves a big hug.
You are under no obligation to invite anyone. And, if you are inviting guests, you are now a host. As host you are obligated to ensure the comfort of your guests. Personally, by your descriptions of these people, I wouldn't be comfortable and would most likely run for the door.
Hopefully, with this focus it may be easier to explain to your fiance why these people should stay in his past and not at your wedding.
I think this issue is deeper than just whether or not these "friends' will be invited to the wedding and deeper than wedding etiquette. Perhaps you can speak to your fiance about these relationships, asking him just what it is about these people he likes. If he insists on associating with people of this caliber you may be forced to associate with them because of your relationship with your new husband. It could certainly affect you in the future and I would urge you to discuss your feelings and maybe even seek some counseling to ease the stress of these toxic relationships. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
invite or no: a Bad friend
