My mom and dad are divorced (8 1/2yrs) and have both remarried. My dad and stepmom have been married 7yrs, and my fiance and I get along with her well. My mom and her husband have been married 3yrs, my fiance doesn't particularly like him, but I think he's ok. I would like a picture of my new husband and me with my mother and dad - without the stepparents. I do not want to hurt their feelings, but I really want this picture. Is it ok to hurt their feelings and have the picture taken anyway? My stepmother would be hurt as she feels that my mom and dad are past history, and pictures should be with stepparents included, she says that having my mom and dad in the picture together without their current spouses gives the impression that they are still together when they are not. What should I do?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 3
(2672 views)
Re: [justski2it] Photos with parents who are remarried
[In reply to]
Dear Wants the Photo,
Your stepmother is incorrect. The picture will not relay that feeling.
Many times the stepparents are not included, especially if they have not acted in the parental role. So, you may have your picture. Just have one parent next to you and the other next to your groom.
This doesn't have to be an either/or situation though. You could have your picture and a picture with all of the parents.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Post #3 of 3
(2658 views)
Re: [justski2it] Photos with parents who are remarried
[In reply to]
I would agree with the first reply. Having your biological parents in the picture doesn't necessarily mean that they are together; everyone who knows you will know the way things are. It may be triggering some feelings for your stepmother seeing them together and that may be what is bothering her. Although your parents are no longer together they were and always will be your parents and I can understand wanting a picture of them with you on this special day.
I think it would also be a nice idea to include everyone in another picture to acknowledge that there is a larger "extended" family in place now and it would be a way of showing respect to the stepparents involved who have taken a place in your lives. This would also go a long way towards bringing people together and maintaining the relationships, and as I said, respecting everyone for their involvement and commitment.
Best of luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Photos with parents who are remarried
