Our daughter is planning to get married in about 20 months. She and her fiance live across the country from where she grew up, went to college etc. She has asked us to pay their complete wedding costs and we are planning to budget a significant amount for this event. We are comfortable funding this, as we did the same for her older sister. Her grandma, who has been very close to her since birth is very sick and will be unable to travel to the ceremony. We have also asked her to consider having the wedding in our town,to accommodate grandma. When she declined, we then asked her to consider two ceremonies so grandma could see her get married. she has declined this, because she wants the entire budget spent where she lives, in order to get as close as possible to her dream wedding. She suggested that we have a small party at our home for grandma.
We are very hurt and upset that she would choose to exclude grandma in this manner.
Parents are no longer financially responsible, so they do not plan or invite. If you contribute, it is a gift. But, our children shouldn't ask us to foot the entire bill either.
Back in the day when the bride's parents hosted (paid) the wedding was held in their home town. So, it seems that your daughter wants it both ways--traditional and non-traditional when it suits her.
You do not have to fund this. You could instead give her a set amount as a wedding gift. It definitely doesn't have to be enough money to host an entire wedding.
Hosting two ceremonies wouldn't have been a good idea as the second ceremony wouldn't be a wedding. A better idea would be to film the wedding and have a party in your town that included Grandma and play the film during the party. This is done quite often.
Difficult Question
