I need advice. My fiance doesn't want to have a wedding reception when we get married. He just wants to go to city hall or have a really small ceremony with immediate family only.
I have always dreamed of having a big wedding where all my friends and family come out and celebrate our big day. I pictured my wedding dress and having my first dance and starting my life with the person I love and all that wonderful stuff.
We've fought a lot about this subject and can't seem to get past it.
His reasons for not wanting to have a wedding is because of the cost (he doesn't want our parents to pay for a wedding when they could help us buy a apt. instead) and that he doesn't want a lot of his relatives to attend because they don't get along and he says just getting married should be enough if we are in love. I understand the point with the cost, but we would get most of it back cause I already know that everyone on my side would give money (tradition)
It makes me very very sad that he doesn't want a wedding and I feel like I can't change his mind.
This would be a first (and only) marraige for us.
I feel like I can compromise to have a wedding that is smaller scale but I still want a reception. I feel like he's not budging.
I don't know how to convey into words how much I want this wedding. I just feel it inside of me and I don't know how to get this message across.
Please help!
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Dec 12, 2006, 2:33 PM
Post #2 of 2
(513 views)
Re: [faifai81] Groom Doesn't want a wedding
[In reply to]
The money is maybe not the real issue here although some people could see spending money on your home as a very practical alternative to a big wedding and still be symbolic of starting your life together. Perhaps your fiance is one of those people. Either way, you both have very different views on the matter and being able to compromise, as you suggested, on perhaps a smaller scale wedding but at least something that has some of the features that are so important to you such as a reception, will be the key.
Whatever you decide together is the right thing, the important thing is how you arrive at what you can both be happy or content with. Remember that all of your marriage together will be about how you can reach compromise and talk about issues that you may have very different takes on. It is important that you be clear and assert your position but also that you suggest that what is required here is a middle-ground position. Maybe you even have a neutral third party who could help you plan a wedding that would be a good compromise. I'm sure there are a lot or resources even on this site, that would be helpful in terms of helping you plan a lower budget affair.
If your fiance is completely unwilling to compromise, that would be a red flag because it is an indicator that this may not be so much about the wedding (the issue at hand) as it is about him needing to do things his way. Really emphasize that compromise is the only option here and given that you had such high hopes and a clear vision of your wedding day, which he doesn't, perhaps you can suggest ways in which you would be willing to scale down, in order to get the ball rolling and encourage him to see that you are willing to compromise on something so very important to you. Perhaps this will motivate him to do the same. Whatever you do, don't completely compromise everything that is important to you because this is a short road to resentment and a really unhealthy way to start out your lives together.
Best of Luck.
Maybe there's something he wants to have more input on Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
(This post was
edited by yvonne"instep" on Dec 12, 2006, 2:35 PM)
Groom Doesn't want a wedding
