My daughter is planning her wedding for next summer. Her dad and I have decided how much we are willing to contribute for the wedding. The groom's parents have told us they want to contribute as well, but have not given any indication of how much. We need to reserve a location ASAP as things are booking up quickly, so I need to have an idea of what their contribution will be so my daughter and I can figure out the budget and get a place selected. How do I politely ask? Should that be the bride and groom's responsibility? I don't want to seem pushy, but without a firm budget, it isn't possible to decide on a location. Help!!
Also- my guest list is about 35 - close family and a couple of close friends. The groom's mother has a guest list of 85, so I am hoping that they will at least want to contribute half. Is that a reasonable expectation?
(This post was
edited by drburch on Aug 20, 2005, 6:14 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 21, 2005, 3:50 PM
Post #2 of 3
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Re: [drburch] How to ask about groom's family contribution
[In reply to]
Dear MOB,
The groom should ask his parents so you can get an accurate idea of the budget. Parents are not responsible for paying for their children's weddings these days. So, anything they wish to contribute is a gift.
The guest list is determined by the budget and the couple. It really isn't determined by who gives the most anymore. In fact, weddings today are not considered the social event for parents it once was. We are not supposed to be inviting all of our friends. It appears as if you know this already with your small guest list.
Traditionally, if both families and the couple are contributing, each would get an equal share of the guest list. However, this isn't written in stone and many times one side of the family will have more guests to invite that the other. This goes back to the fact that more couples are paying for their own weddings and it isn't an obligation for parents to contribute.
The groom will have to be the middle man in his parent's guest requests.
Re: [drburch] How to ask about groom's family contribution
[In reply to]
Thank you, Rebecca. This is such a great forum to get answers to these sometimes difficult questions.
I will be talking with the bride and groom about their location choices today. Just helping them with outlining them and looking at the budgets for each place. It is of course their wedding, so I don't want to do the deciding. However, they are a younger couple without a lot of financial resources, so they will be dependent on the charity of their parents. I will let them do the talking regarding budget with his folks. Whew! That gets me out of the money questions.
As far as the guest list, I have read many of your sites answers about who to invite, so was able to trim my guest list down to grandparents, my husband and my siblings and their spouses, my other children and their families, and a couple of my close friends who have known my daughter since she was a baby. It actually was a relief not to have to come up with a more extensive guest list of my friends, and try to figure out who to invite and not invite.
The groom's family is large, all of them local and the groom's mother has lived here all her life. So, I expected that they would have a larger guest list.
How to ask about groom's family contribution
