My fiance and I met a little over a year ago, we both hated where we were living and decided to move (from Missouri to Montana). During the move he proposed to me. I accepted. My parents did not like him much from the beginning (my mom tried a little but my dad refused due to the age difference, I was 23-now 24, and he was 36-now 37). I waited till around Christmas to tell my parents (we got engaged in Oct) and not much to my surprise they were not happy (part of why I waited but then decided I couldnt wait forever). I lived with my parents till Chris and I moved and compared to my sister was the "good kid." Since moving I feel much more grown up and have been learning a lot of things about myself. I've grown much more self confident and I have stopped looking for everyone elses approval. I believe that since I have started making decisions on my own they are hurt. They even went so far as to send my mail to my job instead of our home. I sent them a letter requesting that they stop sending personal mail to my job because it is a little embarassing, not to mention disrespectful (in my opinion) to my relationship with Chris. As far as I know, the rest of my family is happy for me. I speak to my sister every week or two, e-mail my cousins and things seem fine. My grandmother is a little concerned due to things I am sure my parents have said to her. Chris' family loves me, his mom and her husband came and spent a week with us and I talk to his sister for hours sometimes. We planned on getting married in May 2008 in hopes that my parents would come around by then. They are not speaking to me now so I am not sure how to go about starting to plan. I dont want to have my wedding (first and only) without my parents and Chris (2nd wedding) wants them there because I want them there. How do I start telling family and friends about it so they can plan (most are in MO and NY) without my parents tainting the whole thing?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 2, 2007, 3:15 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 2, 2007, 4:10 PM
Post #2 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
Dear Ni Chad,
There is no way to guarantee that your parents wouldn't bo-ho it. The only thing you can do, that I can see, is to continue with your plans. Send the save the dates and keep trying to make contact with your parents.
Something to consider, sometimes parents are right. They may see something you do not. Of course, they may just be seeing their little girl leaving them as well.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
Thanks. Thats kind of what I thought I was just worried that maybe I wasn't seeing something that someone on the "outside" might see. I went through the same thing with a previous boyfriend (we talked about marriage but I was still in high school) and my dad said he wouldn't walk me down the aisle or even attend if I married him and I am worried that he will make the same "threat." Should I take him seriously if he says this or continue to plan everything with him walking me down the aisle?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 2, 2007, 5:44 PM
Post #4 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
I can see how your parents might have been feeling a bit uncomfortable if you were discussing marriage while still in high school. This could be the reason they are giving you a hard time now too. If you are really sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with then you'll have to begin to plan the wedding, proving to your parents you have matured enough to make this decision. There is so much involved with these types of stories - usually more than can be revealed in an online post. I would seriously consider getting some family counseling. We're not really equipped to help you as much as you need. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 2, 2007, 5:47 PM
Post #5 of 12
(536 views)
Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
Unfortunately, this is decision only you can make. It may come down to choosing no wedding or one with out your parents. I sincerely hope that as time wears on, all of this works out for the best.
And, if you were my daughter and still in high school, I would have said more than that if you wanted to marry! Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
ni_chad
Aug 2, 2007, 6:21 PM
Post #6 of 12
(533 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
I don't blame them for being skeptical of it while I was in high school, it just seems like they won't even give Chris a chance. I will just continue planning and hope they come around. Would it be bad of me to find a replacement to walk me down the aisle (say my "favorite" cousin-we're very close, almost like brother and sister) just in case?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 2, 2007, 6:52 PM
Post #7 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
I agree that counseling would be a great idea.
And, yes. Any one can escort you or you could walk alone. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 2, 2007, 7:49 PM
Post #8 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
I wouldn't replace your dad. That could have devastating results. and could damage any relationship you might have left to mend in the future.
You don't need an escort. Plan to walk alone if your father doesn't attend. Making this choice, and letting him know he cannot be replaced in your life, could go a long way to healing the rift. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
ni_chad
Aug 3, 2007, 10:20 AM
Post #9 of 12
(511 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
I hadn't thought about it doing more damage to have someone else walk me down the aisle. I will plan on him, and if he doesn't I will walk alone. If I do walk alone, does the officiant just not ask who gives me away and if they do ask, what do I reply?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Aug 3, 2007, 10:33 AM
Post #10 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
That's because you're thinking as a daughter and I am thinking as a parent. Try putting yourself into your parent's position. If you had a child, how would you feel...
No one is given away anymore anyway so you can leave that part out. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
ni_chad
Aug 3, 2007, 1:32 PM
Post #11 of 12
(502 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
If I were a parent, I hope I would be more open minded and more concerned about my childs happiness than anything so this wouldn't even be an issue, but who knows till you are in that situtation. If I were still in high school I would understand more, but I have 2 college degrees, a great job, and a new car. Obviously I am capable of making decisions and this is my decision that will make me happy for the rest of my life and I want them to be involved.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Aug 3, 2007, 3:43 PM
Post #12 of 12
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Re: [ni_chad] How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
[In reply to]
You'll never understand until you're a parent.
Even the most intelligent of human beings makes a mistake or two. As parents, we want to shield our children from all hurt. So, try to get the lines of communication open with them. Once they see how committed you two are to one another, and maybe spend some time getting to know your guy the way you do, they may come around. Give it time. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 3, 2007, 3:47 PM)
How to plan wedding to man my parents hate
