My husband and I (we are both currently living in London) became engaged in April and then had a civil ceremony in Germany in May for practicality reasons (he is German and I'm from California- I couldn't stay in England any longer unless we married) We want to have a large wedding in California in a year or so. Both of our immediate families knew we had to marry right away but still wanted a large wedding. I was hesitant to tell anyone else because I didn't want the fact that we were already married to affect our actual wedding in California. However my parents disagreed and have been telling everyone that we got married. I'm now angry with my parents for this- I feel as though the excitement has been taken away and I won't be able to have a proper wedding ceremony and reception any longer. Am I overreacting? Will people care that we technically married a year before the wedding ceremony? What if on the invitations we say something along the lines of “Please join us for the celebration of the marriage of…” ??? How would I word it? We would have remained engaged for a year but logistically we had to marry and my parents refused to “lie” to people (not how I saw it but they were convinced it would be lying) and just say we are engaged. We are going to California to visit next month and I am now very anxious about how to handle this. All of my extended family and friends etc will want to see us and meet him and I'm not sure what to say to them- should I just be sure to tell everyone that we are looking forward to the 'actual' ceremony which is currently being planned? And should we refer to each other as husband and wife or as being engaged? As of now I just want to avoid everyone when I go home because I don't know what to say and I’m so angry about this. How do I handle this? It’s really important to me to have some sort of proper ceremony with all my family and friends, a wedding dress, dad walking me down the aisle etc.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 8, 2007, 8:37 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 16, 2006, 9:44 AM
Post #2 of 3
(562 views)
Re: [jschaefer] Married civilly but now want real wedding???
[In reply to]
Dear Already a Wife,
No matter what your reasons for marrying, you are married. You are not engaged; you are husband and wife. You made the decision. So, it is what it is. Asking or expecting your parents to lie about it, isn't fair or polite.
Your ceremony would not be a wedding because you are already married. We have many, many posts concerning this you may want to read. Plus, it is best if you read more about vow renewal etiquette in this article, so you will not be embarrassed by the ceremony you create. It most likely will be viewed negatively by your guests if it appears to be a wedding.
A wedding is a gift giving event, while a vow renewal is not. If it is planned for a bench mark anniversary, which is the most proper, guest typically do give something. So, this is another reason why we must take very special care in the planning.
A vow renewal does not include traditional wedding elements. This is not a negative. This just means that you can create some new elements and customize the ceremony. But, it should not mirror a wedding.
Re: [jschaefer] Married civilly but now want real wedding???
[In reply to]
Agreed. Rememebr that your focus is on the vows, not the party, and plan around that aspect of the service. You can still celebrate your love for one another by simply having a party to celebrate the marriage that has already taken place. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Married civilly but now want real wedding
