I spent months planning my wedding and had all the details arranged. The wedding was planned according to what we thought we could afford and we were very proud of it. My parents came to visit, so we took them to see the venue. After they leave, my mom calls to tell me they don't like the venue and want me to change it to someplace more upscale. It was a major blow. I have put so much time and effort into the planning, just to be told it's not good enough. She said if it's what I want, she will "make it work". But, now I feel like I can't win. She's constantly pushing me to change the location, but if I give in, it won't be MY wedding. If I don't give in, I'll know my parents aren't happy and will make my life miserable with their derisive comments. Plus, I can't deal with planning the wedding a second time. Should I let my mom take over to keep the peace?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 18, 2008, 1:20 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Aug 18, 2008, 1:23 PM
Post #2 of 3
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Re: Momzilla wants me to change wedding plans
[In reply to]
Get together with your mom and speak honestly with her. Explain yourself as you have here. Perhaps the two of you can come to make some concessions together. maybe she's just being a mom and wants to feel included in the planing. If she is still unreasonable you may have to just tell her that this is the wedding you've planned for yourself and the plans are, as is. Give her the opportunity to be a good mom first. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Aug 18, 2008, 1:37 PM
Post #3 of 3
(374 views)
Re: Momzilla wants me to change wedding plans
[In reply to]
I would agree - you guys need to talk. If you believe that she is trying to control the situation and that she will ride you with negative comments then ask yourself if this is a pattern in your relatinoship that you would like to break. If this is the case, as hard as it may be, it might be time to make it clear that you need to make your own decisions. If not, you may invite more of the same into your new life with your husband. Sometimes when we decide to the right thing for us other people aren't happy and we have to live with their displeasure and all the uncomfortalbe feelings that can bring along with it. But this is how life is sometimes and I think the bigger picture here is how do you as an adult want to make decisions and determine the course of your life. Do it in a way that won't create resentment towards your parents. They may not like your choices but take her at her word that she will make it work if it is really what you want.
Tell her how important this is to you and let her decide how she wants to respond. You can do nothing about her response to you and shouldn't necessarily accomodate to what she wants just to get a more favorable response. And yes, invite her participation and ask her to have a role in helping you which could address any feelings of not being included.
Best of luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
(This post was
edited by yvonne"instep" on Aug 18, 2008, 1:39 PM)
Momzilla wants me to change wedding plans
