both myself and my finace decided to get married on march 25th 2006. Recently her mother came up from hawaii and asked us if we would like to live down there, we had no problems with that but we wanted to get married first. We decided on oct 1 since my parents would be up here anyway, we have been planning for about a week then her mom decides that's too quick and wanted my fiance' to live with her for 3 months and have us get married in december. Both of us said that she wasn't going down till i do because it is both a waste of money on airfare and neither of us can afford that and a wedding. I said i would try to figure out a time in december but that will be tough with christmas and thanksgiving comming up. To me her mom is being kinda selfish cause it was her idea for us to come down there so we rearrange our lives to have a wedding and move down there so she can spend time with us, but everytime we come up with something she just knocks it down like we are idiots. I like her mom very much but she is causing so much stress in both of our lives that her daughter is about ready to have a breakdown from the stress. If we wait till december then my fiance' doesn't have a job for 3 months and i don't know how we would afford it. We are paying for 90% of the costs of this marriage so in my opinion we should have most of the say in it, but unfortunatly she can't just let us plan it and butt out. I don't want to be rude to her cause i do get along and like her but sometimes i just don't understand it. Am i selfish for wanting it our way instead of hers since we are paying for most of it? any help on this subject would be greatly appreciated thank you.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 22, 2005, 9:53 PM)
First, what I recommend is, if you haven't done so already, for you to sit down with your Fiance, discuss this in its entirety and make sure you are both on the same page. Secondly, set a time to speak with her mother. While I can't tell you what to say exactly, I do suggest that it includes love and appreciation for what she is trying to do.
You don't have to be ugly or mean when you talk with her. What she's asking doesn't fit in line with what the two of you can do financially nor do you want to be separated in that way. Therefore, it sounds like the best solution is for the two of you to stick with your plan A and move to Hawaii after the wedding. Emphasis to her mother that if money (and time apart) were no object, it may not be as big a deal. But she'll have more than enough time to spend with the two of you after the wedding.
I hope this helps. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
My wedding my way.
