Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
I want to thank you again for all of your help with my son's wedding last summer. It was a delightful and memorable day. I now need your help again.
Several months ago we agreed to have the wedding of a dear friend's daughter in our home. Because the mother is quite sick, her daughter (who is also a close friend our children) wanted a small, simple wedding in early summer. The groom's parents are upset by this. Their son is an only child, and his mother has always dreamed of a huge church wedding with a dinner and dancing.
None of this is any of our business, but the result is that we do not have a date. I hate to press our friend, because she is so sick, but we need to make summer plans. Is there a tactful way to say that we need a specific date or we will withdraw the offer of our home as a wedding location? That sounds rather harsh given the circumstances.
Thank you so much.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 6, 2009, 9:36 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 6
(221 views)
Re: Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Austinmother,
I'm so glad your son's wedding went so smoothly.
It may be best to deal directly with the couple. There is nothing impolite in letting them know that you need to know exactly what the date of their wedding is by a certain date so you can make your plans, and if they cannot decide, that they will have to make other plans. I'm sure you will be able to inform them politely. This is evident by the empathy you display in your email.
Re: Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
[In reply to]
Thank you so much for your prompt response (and apologies for misspelling friend!).
I did talk to the bride and groom this morning, and the situation is terrible. They suggested to the MOG that she host a reception a week or so after the wedding if she really wanted dinner and dancing. The MOG's proposal was that only close family be invited to the home wedding, that the wedding be kept secret and that a second fancy wedding with dinner and dancing be held that night. The MOB could attend "if she felt up to it."
The young couple is so upset by this that they have told the MOG that she is no longer invited to the wedding and asked that we move ahead with the original plans. Again, this is none of my business, but my concern is that the bride and groom absolutely refuse to tell the MOB and family that there have been any problems. They are worried about the impact on her health. The MOB is my good friend, and I think she should be told since it will be obvious something is wrong if the MOG is not present. I'm also sure someone will hear about this and mention it to her before the wedding. Should I stay out of this or let her know at least the basics?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #4 of 6
(215 views)
Re: Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
[In reply to]
Oh my! I don't know why it is so important for some people to feel as if they are in control. Jeez.
I tend to agree with the couple. It may be best to just stay quiet (and duck) and hope that her mother doesn't hear about it. They might tell her in their own time. But, she really doesn't have to be burdened with this in her ill health. Jeez. There are so many more important things in the world and our lives than the wedding/reception we have envisioned for our children. Their happiness is the first thing that comes to my mind.
I didn't even notice the misspelling. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #5 of 6
(212 views)
Re: Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Terrific Friend -
Hopefully the groom will stand up to his mother and tell her right from wrong. What she is suggesting is that her son should lie? WOW! How selfish, consdering the health of the mother of the bride.
But, I have to agree with Rebecca, stay out of it. It may be best that your friend not know what's happening right now. Sounds like her daughter has things in control.
I hope you;re able to host the wedding for this couple. They all sound like terrific people. All the best to your friend. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
austinmother
Post #6 of 6
(198 views)
Re: Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
[In reply to]
Thank you for the advice. I think I am too close to this to think clearly! We will be hosting the wedding and reception. which will be small.
Offering our home to a freind for their daughter's wedding
