I am a second-time bride. My parents agreed to support our wedding (giving their blessing and some financial aid) only if we held the reception at their house in their backyard.
Since we wanted and needed their blessing and a reception venue (they refused to help in any way otherwise) we accepted their offer. HUGE mistake.
My mother has used every string attached to this offer to play each member of my family against each other like puppets.
There have been countless lies, meddlesome antics, etc. Not only am I personally hurt by her behavior, but it's a shameful way to introduce my future husband's family to my own.
Additionally, my sister-in-law has complicated matters. I asked her to be a bridesmaid since I was in her bridal party. For months she has not RSVP'd, participated, or responded to any bridal party invitations, events, or emails. Finally she lashed out at me so brutally and rudely in public at a family function that my fiance and I did not feel comfortable including her in our wedding any longer, period. We told my brother that he was under no obligation to attend without her, that we knew he had to prioritize his marriage first and we had no judgment about that. When we told my sister-in-law that we wanted to work things out after the wedding at a less emotional time, she revealed that she hopes our wedding is ruined.
Well, my sister-in-law's getting her wish. Now her husband, the brother I am closest to, is refusing to come. As a result, my mother twice in the past two weeks has rescinded my parents' offer to host the reception.
Here's the punchline: our wedding is less than a month away and we already spent our entire wedding budget on the rest of the wedding since my parents' refused to help.
At the end of the day, we are presented with two options:
1. We issue said sister-in-law a blanket apology to soothe my parents so they will let us have the reception in their backyard and pray to God my sister-in-law does not raise hell at our wedding.
2. We borrow money from my groom's parents that they were going to use for the rehearsal activity/dinner and pull together a new reception as best we can in three weeks with little budget.
Am I not thinking of another option? If there's something I'm not thinking of, let me know!
I want to point out that nothing gives my family the right to behave this way and not only does their behavior disregard and disrespect my future family - but also all the guests who have made travel plans and found accommodations, etc, not to mention a rescheduling of the date means all the ceremony-related activities are also in turmoil.
Then there's the small matter of all the wedding-related items that have our wedding date on them - which I had shipped to my mother.
What should I do?
(This post was
edited by SummerLop on May 9, 2009, 1:11 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
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Re: Urgent: Ethical Issue w/Bride's Family
[In reply to]
Dear SummerLop,
There is always more than one side to every story and this is a great example. I don't know what caused this great turmoil. But, you are correct that a contribution doesn't mean that your parents control the wedding. However, since they are "hosting" the reception in their back yard, they do have more control than they would otherwise.
Only you can make this decision. It would be best to make amends though since you are blending the two families.
Urgent: Ethical Issue w/Bride's Family
