My brother is currently planning his wedding. We were told (not asked) that we have to take a week of vacation next year to go to his destination wedding. After that we were all told, "don't ask any questions about the wedding, because it's none of your business."
Recently some job opportunities have come up for next summer, so I asked him nicely what his plans were. He told me, he doesn't know and they don't know when they will know. He said it may not even happen next year, but then told me it doesn't matter because in the end it is up to me if I want to be at his wedding or not. Taking a week off to do this, is a big deal in my line of work so I need to plan ahead.
My father approached him yesterday with a similar question, and he flew off the handle and told my father he had to ask me because I know everything. (see above)
I feel it is his duty to keep us abreast of the situation, especially since he wants us to take a weeks vacation. I understand that correct protocol for destination weddings is tell your guests as soon as possible if you want them to be able to attend. I don't want to miss his wedding, but I am missing some great opportunities at this point for a wedding that may not even happen!
(This post was
edited by lovelady3 on Jun 27, 2009, 11:21 AM)
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Post #2 of 3
(292 views)
Re: Wedding Planning/ Family Trouble Advice Needed
[In reply to]
Personally, and I have shared my opinion on destination weddings here before, but I honestly believe that if people are going to expect friends and family to make this kind of sacrifice, monetarily and otherwise, that they owe them the courtesy of as much advance notice as possible along with a healthy dose of appreciation for what they are asking of others. It really sounds from what you've shared here that your brother has done neither of those things.
Because it sounds like individuals have tried to talk with him about this and it has gone nowhere, perhaps it is time for 2 or 3 or you to sit down with him, altogether, and be honest and straightforward about what you can do based on what it is he is indeed asking of you. Everone needs the information about where, when and how much it is going to cost even before you can make a decision to attend. These are not trivial pieces of information, it is what is required in order to be able to make a decision to participate or not.
Bottomline no one is obligated to attend a function that you simply cannot afford for any number of reasons. Having said that I think all of you owe it to your brother to be honest with him about the impact that his decisions will have on you individually, first the decision to have a destination wedding in the first place, and secondly his decision to not share vital information with you. I think he needs to honestly know that his decision not to give you this information could mean that people will not be able to attend, and from there he can decide how he wants to proceed. You are not being demanding or unreasonable to be requesting his cooperation in this matter as he and his fiance are asking quite a lot from everyone to be in attendance at their special day.
Best of Luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
lovelady3
Post #3 of 3
(287 views)
Re: Wedding Planning/ Family Trouble Advice Needed
[In reply to]
thank you for the advice. I live 8 hours away from my family, and we are all going to be together over the 4th of July. It will be a good time to have this talk.
Wedding Planning/ Family Trouble Advice Needed
