Some background... My fiancée and I decided to marry in the town where we met (his hometown). This is not, however, where my parents live (2,700 miles away) or even where my fiancée and I live (800 miles away). Initially, his parents seemed more eager for us to get married where we currently live because our local church is beautiful and they liked the idea of making a vacation of it. We really thought it would mean more to marry where we first started falling in love and somehow got all four parents to support the idea. Since I am an only child (my fiancée has siblings) and my parents are traditional, they are financing our wedding.
Fast forward to a year before the wedding... I learn that my mother's health is limiting her mobility. Since the location isn't as important as the enjoyment, we considered switching the wedding to be in my hometown. Other factors made this change more practical so after thinking about it for a couple of weeks (and hinting that it was a possibility to our close friends and the groom's parents), he told his folks that the wedding location is changing to my hometown. I do not know what they said exactly, but my fiancée was defending the choice to his parents and visibly upset by the conversation.
My question is... Am I being a bride-zilla to think that they are being petty? I just keep thinking that my parents dreamed of a hometown wedding for me for YEARS and his parents only thought about a hometown wedding for their son for a few MONTHS. Not only is it tradition for the bride to get married in her hometown, but my parents are paying for EVERYTHING and my mom is in poor health. Is there a tactful way to make my in-laws-to-be realize this is necessary and good without endangering the affection we have for each other? I know they are kind and loving people and their critical response was likely because they are slow to adapt to the change in location. Just so it's clear, travel finances are not an issue for his family so this is just a matter of changing the plan late in the game and making it harder for their side to travel to the event (but my parents dealt with the same factors when we first thought it would take place in the groom's hometown and did so with grace and generosity).
Sorry that was so lengthy, but I didn't want to miss some of the main details. I welcome advice on how to diplomatically and lovingly work through this issue. Thank you!
Relax and talk! I cannot stress this point enough. Way too much time is spent stressing over non-issues that never get talked out. Don't vent, go to them, explain as you have done here that the change in venue makes life easier on your mother. Don't ask them, tell them. (nicely of course) It's often just a matter of feeling left out of decisions and there's a bit of the controller in all of us. Have your wedding the way you are most comfortable and be sincere and secure in your decision without apologizing. That's the way it is and now we move on. Talk! Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
I am sure you have explained to your future in-laws the reasons for your change of mind - but give them time to get over their disappointment. They must have been thrilled at your earlier decision - but I am sure they will come around to seeing why there is a change of plan. Just dont let it become an issue. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Thank you both. Though we had mentioned my mother's health on several occasions, she plays it off as being nothing serious, which confused the issue. After carefully explaining it again (calmly), they offered their support of the new wedding location.
Yes, getting wrapped up in the stress of potential conflict is far worse than just talking it through. Thank you, Nancy & Jill. I will keep that in mind for future issues, wedding-related or just life's speed bumps.
Wedding location tension
