bride needs solutions to wedding planning problems
The problem with weddings is that they involve too many people, and most of the people I know just can’t be counted on. I need help. I was engaged in April and have been planning since then. My wedding is in 22 days, and everything seems to be falling apart.
I didn’t know when I started all of this that you could address a married woman as a bridesmaid. I know that now, but that was June when I asked and this is too late. Anyway, she didn’t have a ceremony when she was married and I felt bad for her. She and I had been friends through elementary school and most of high school, and I’ve been reminded several times lately why I stopped hanging around her our junior year and didn’t look back until now. She’ll do anything to turn all of the attention on herself and she‘s HUGE on shock value. In this case, she has insisted I changed the date (because it’s the day of her daughter’s birthday, which is why I asked her tentatively and told her to think about it and I would be understanding if she said no). Now she’s going around complaining to everyone about it and badmouthing me, but I don‘t want to confront her about that because she‘ll argue hearsay (we have always argued like lawyers; I don‘t know why). Then, at our cutting party (cutting the pattern and fabric of the attendants’ dresses with snacks and games and such), she pulled my fiancé (who had driven us) aside and pressed on and on for him to tell her if he preferred “lace or leather.” At the same party, she managed to stoop to a child’s level and tell the Maid of Honor that she was more special that she was. When she Maid of Honor finally responded that she wasn’t, she insisted that she was and that not only did she know it but I had said it! She’s tried to make me reschedule everything we’ve had: parties, showers, everything. She’s constantly gone back and forth with them, “I won’t be able to come”, “I can make it”, “I’d have to take off work”, “Ok, I took off work”, etc. Now, she’s dyed her hair three different colors - three different unnatural colors with black tips.
I don’t now what’s going to happen with the rehearsal dinner. My brother is much like my Matron of Honor as far as being an attention getter. He’s flying in the night of the rehearsal and needs my dad to pick him up from the airport at 7 or 8. To try to accommodate, my fiancé and I figured the rehearsal could start at 4 and the dinner at 6:30. His mother got me on the phone and was so ugly to be about it, I hung up, ran in the kitchen and cried. To put it mildly and simply, 4 was too early. So now we have the rehearsal scheduled at 5:30 and the dinner at 7. Now my musicians are telling me that’s fine as long as we make the rehearsal real quick because they just got a “gig” that night and it’s scheduled for 8, but they have to be there a couple hours early because they have to set up. They got this un-paying “gig” 2 weeks ago, and I asked them to be my musicians in May. No one had a problem with the rehearsal until about three weeks ago, and now, no time is good enough. (If a rehearsal wasn’t so important to me, I’d scrap the whole evening and just say forget it.)
The wedding is very close. I sent out invitations weeks ago and 8 people have R.S.V.P.-ed. 8. The cards and postage were too much to do R.S.V.P. cards. So, I slipped a little card in each invitation giving them a web site to R.S.V.P. at and a phone number to call if the internet is unavailable. 8 people out of about 200 - none of which is even family (other than 8 church family members) and nobody on my fiancé’s guest list.
Time, money, and patience are running short. My fiancé still hasn’t gotten my wedding ring. My photographer lost my dad’s phone number to have him pay the bill. Apparently, my dad has been out of town for a long time and he can’t get a hold of him, but the problem lies in that I can’t pick anything up (even my bridal portrait) until it’s paid for. My florist is impossible to get a hold of, and I have my ribbon for the bouquet and I have to take it to her. (She works out of her home.) My friend is making my cake and I can’t get a hold of her either about my topper. (I have it and need to get it to her.) The men aren’t getting their measurements to the tux shop (of course it’s the guys on my side), and she’s getting impatient with me. His parents refuse to pay for the honeymoon (and they do have the money and quite a bit to spare).
I’m getting very tired. I know I need to take a breath, but I don’t have time. I have all of this, part time school, and full time work as a two-year old teacher. Every time I find time to breathe something else happens. I know the most important thing is that at the end of the day, I’m married to the love of my life, but I have this small part in me that I’m sure any woman would understand. It’s that small, sentimental part that scream out your childhood dream of your wedding day. It screams all the things you’ve always imagined and wanted. It screams out, “Yes, that’s of utmost importance, but I’m important too.” It’s a dream that every little girl has, and I’m watching my dream fall apart piece by piece. Do you have any advice other than small little facts that I already know? Is there anything I can do to fix this? I’m tired. Please tell me you can help me. Please tell me there are real solutions to my problems.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 26, 2005, 11:33 AM)
Take a breath and slow down. Your issues can either be fixed or ignored. A lot of what is going on is very unfair to you but you already know that.
1. Matron of honor can be dumped now if she's going to show up with rainbow hair. Then at least you won't have to listen to her constant complaints. Talk to her and tell her what you want. No need to argue, she fixes it or she's out.
2. Your brother is arriving in the middle of the rehearsal dinner and any way you do it, your father will miss most of it or you can send a car to pick him up and your father can enjoy the rehearsal dinner.
3. The musicians will be able to do your rehearsal and still get to their gig...just keep the rehearsal moving and you'll all be out of there in 45 to 60 minutes.
4. Time to call in the troops to help with some of the phone calls to the guests. You need to know how many are coming so you can provide food for them, so you have to call everyone who has not rsvp'd. Break the list up and let his family help with their friends and family who have not responded.
5. The other calls that you are attempting should be your focus right now. Let your Dad know that the photographer is waiting for his payment. The cake and flower calls need to be accomplished so that you can feel they are ready with everything. Keep calling them to set up a time to deliver the items to them and then move on to the rsvp's. Don't worry about the Tuxes, they always get them, let the groom work on that.
Fix what you can and move on. Don't let this pile up on you or you'll have nightmares about your dream wedding. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
First, your groom's parents shouldn't be paying for your honeymoon these days. More couples pay their own way now.
Secondly, it may be best to skip the dinner if it is a problem. Or, host one yourself at the time you wish it to be hosted. Pizza and soda is fine.
Thirdly, if your matron of honor is behaving badly, ask her to step down. This is something we do only in the most extreme cases. But, it would appear as if she is not your friend.
Lastly, because you made it a bit more difficult for your guests to respond, you may have to ask a family member call those who have not responded. It would be in bad taste for you to do this. But, a family member can.
bride needs solutions to wedding planning problems
