I have been dating my fiance since we were both 18 (I am now 25). We got engaged in late Oct. 2004 and have planned and booked a Nov wedding in 2005. We have already had our share of small arguments over culture (My family is from Ireland his are from Greece) and have settled on a happy medium. My problem is last weekend his cousin (and best friend) got engaged to the girl he has been dating for the past year (and is in a constant competition against me as she feels since I am not of a Greek heritage and she is she should have a certain "one up" on me...which I don't understand) are dead set to book the date two weeks before ours. We have a lot of people coming in from out of town from my fiance's side that will be invited to both weddings. I feel that this is inappropriate as their reason for choosing the date mentioned above is for her desire to get pregnant right away as she desires a family.
In the meantime, my fiance's mother is in the process of a divorce and her only family is the family we are having conflict with this date and I am being told to be quiet about my feelings as his side does not want any trouble with her "support system".
I love my fiance's family very much, however I can't help but feel angry at this situation.
Am I being a spoiled brat? I just can't seem to justify in my head that this couple got engaged a week ago and planning a wedding in 6 months with the date 2 weeks before mine just so you can start a family is a valid reason for me to grin and bear it? I don't mind that they are getting married before us...I even suggested doing it in September but to no avail...
I need help!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 23, 2005, 6:18 PM)
What a dilemma for you! And what a great opportunity for you and your fiance to get even closer.
While his cousin's bride's date selection is in very poor taste, there's really not much, if anything you can do about it (as you've already discovered).
While your upset and hurt feelings are understandable, I'm wondering what they are getting you? What are results in your life when you focus on wanting her to be different than who she is? And what happens in your relationship when you focus on her and what's she's doing to you?
If you have anything other than bliss, she wins. She's gotten to you and your life is affected by her choices.
If you want to win, then I suggest you focus on how incredibly fortunate you are, and how lucky you are to have so much time to plan the wedding of your dreams.
Sounds like you're already well ahead of the game with the inroads you two have made regarding your different cultures. Use your skills as a couple to look at what options are left to you, since she's going to do what she will do. Have fun exploring all the possibilities together (perhaps stepping your wedding date up? Perhaps creating a two week holiday type atmosphere for the relatives? Perhaps looking at ways to combine the two events? ...)
Remember, you can wish and hope and want things to be just as you'd like, and life has a way of showing up very differently. It's who we are in the face of those challenges that determines the quality of our life. If it rains and you are angry at the rain, does it stop raining? Why not play in the rain instead? Or have a nice cozy day inside? And accept that it is raining.
All the best to you both! Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach, Speaker, and Trainer
wedding date etiquette
