wedding guest has asked for another guest to not be invited
My Aunt and one of my best friends were together as a couple for about 14 years (never married). They split up about 5-6 years ago. My friend has since married and has children. My Aunt has pretty much isolated herself from the rest of the world.
My Aunt has recently asked me to not invite my friend, saying her "mental health" could not take it. I feel that this was a very inappropriate request to make. I tried to explain to her that the wedding will be very large, and they do not need to interact with each other. In fact, my Bride-To-Be and I sat down and made a seating chart that places them on entirely opposite ends of the hall. However, she still has repeated her request.
I am a bit upset by this. I only plan on getting married once, and they both are important people in my life. I would hate to exclude my friend and his family from my wedding. But, I do not want my Aunt to get upset or not attend my wedding. I feel that this is a decision I should not have been asked to make, but here I am. PLEASE HELP...I need some good advice!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 5, 2009, 10:39 AM)
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Post #2 of 3
(260 views)
Re: wedding guest has asked for another guest to not be invited
[In reply to]
I would agree that this is not a decision that you need to make but that is different than saying that this is a decision that I should not be asked to make. Your aunt has every right to ask this of you, and by the same token, you have every right to make the decision that fits for you. So part of what will make you upset with her is thinking that she has no right to put you in this position. Asking you to not invite your friend to the wedding does put you in an uncomfortable position but you don't have to stay there. I think you've decided that you want them both there so don't hesitate to communicate that, in as caring a way as possible. Beyond that, what your aunt does with that, is up to her.
Obviouslly if it's been 5 or 6 years since they split, she's still not dealing with that well. I would hope that she would see that and perhaps decide on her own that getting some professional help to work through this, would be the best thing for her. You're inviting both of them to the wedding is not what is going to ruin her life, it sounds more like she has already been letting this failed relationshp get in the way of her enjoying life long before you decided to get married.
Personally, I would make the choice that you want to make and if that is asking them both, then so be it. Perhaps she will make a choice to come, or perhaps she will be very angry with you and not attend. But I'm of the mind that allowing someone else's issues to determine your choices, in a case like this one, would only serve to negatively affect your relationship with your aunt, because this could breed resentment towards her if you choose to only consider her needs and feelings in this. You are not forcing 2 people to be in a room together, you've expressed your heartfelt desire to have them both there, and that's all you can do. As adults, they will make their choices.
By the way, if your aunt decides not to attend, don't take this personally, even if she does display her anger or disappointment, because this is really about her and where she's at in relation to this past relationship; it's not about you. She may not be able to see that though so don't judge her, just accept her and try to understand.
Best of Luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #3 of 3
(251 views)
Re: wedding guest has asked for another guest to not be invited
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. It really is her decision at this point. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
wedding guest has asked for another guest to not be invited
