My youngest brother is getting married soon. He and his fiancee insisted that my parents give them a lump sum toward the wedding/rehearsal dinner and that they would take of the arrangements.
There are 4 siblings (I'm the eldest). My sister's kids and my other brother's kids are ringbearer/flower girls in the wedding. My teenage son is not in the wedding.
We are traveling 5 hours to the wedding and just found out that we/my spouse and son are the only immediate family members excluded from the rehearsal dinner since we are not part of the wedding party. My sister and brother and their kids and spouses are invited.
I am very hurt. I understand the rehearsal dinner is geared towards the wedding party members but to exclude only one sibling on that basis seems rather rude and very hurtful. I have hosted my brother and his fiancee at our lake house and in our home on a number of occasions - even took my brother to Europe on our family vacation a few years ago.
They are holding the 'dinner' at a local pizza joint and have told my mother there isn't room for more people. Of course, my mother is extremely upset. Is this consider polite behavior? I (and my other siblings) am quite a bit older than my brother and it use to be that the groom's family hosted the rehearsal party and out of town guests and especially family members were invited as a 'thank you' for traveling long distances to honor the couple.Certainly a sibling would never be excluded. Have things really changed that much in the last 20 years? Thanks!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 27, 2008, 9:53 PM)
Re: Excluding 1 sibling from rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
It is true that only those who have 'rehearsed' need be invited to the optional rehearsal dinner. Inviting out of town guests, even family, is optional as well. Many times it is best not to, as it could appear to be a mini reception.
Having said that, I can completely understand why you are upset. It appears as if you have been excluded, since you are the only sibling not invited. But, they are following the basic rule. They really aren't following common courtesy though. This is intuitive and not written in books. And, it is unfortunate.
It is also unfortunate that your parents gave in and gave them money. It should have been your parents option to offer them what they wished to contribute, if any thing.
Re: Excluding 1 sibling from rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Thank you for the reply. Those were my feelings as well. It's a shame that people don't realize the long-term damage they can do to an important relationship just by being inconsiderate. Oh well. Not much I can do. My mother was thinking about taking matters into her own hands and just increasing the number of reservations to include us but I have asked her not to interfere at this point. My brother and his fiancee have made their decision and will have to live with the consequences of that decision. Thanks again.
TWQadmin
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May 30, 2008, 9:29 PM
Post #5 of 5
(636 views)
Re: Excluding 1 sibling from rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Dear Hurt Sib -
Try not to let there be any repercussions from this. It's a long life when you hold a grudge with family members. Consider that there could be a reason they cannot host another guest and let it go. Attend the wedding, be happy for them and enjoy the day. Taking the high road will, in the end, make you so much happier than harboring resentment.
I wish you well... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Excluding 1 sibling from rehearsal dinner
