(I have searched the archives but haven't a comparable situation to mine, hence this thread.)
The bride, who is a friend of mine, asked me and another friend to sing at her wedding some ten months ago. We accepted and asked that she give us a list of songs she would like since we aren't wedding singers and do not have a repertoire ready to go. We reminded her a couple of times over the course of the year and eventually thought the idea of having us sing had been scrapped in favor of professional musicians, but two weeks ago the bride came to us with the name of a song she wanted for the processional. There was to be no accompaniment, and she had no sheet music for it. Luckily, we know someone who can arrange by ear and he graciously put together a lovely two-part a capella arrangement of the song on the fly.
The problem is, it's quite short and there are four bridesmaids, the parents of the bride and groom, and a flower girl coming down the aisle before the bride, and I was not invited to the rehearsal. The other singer was, but only on a technicality - she is married to one of the groomsmen. So, I approached the bride and told her that in order to make sure we time the repeats of the song, etc, to cover all the processing, I would really like to come to the rehearsal to practice the music with the procession so we could time it appropriately.
A day later, the groom's mother called me to invite me to the rehearsal dinner, and I accepted. Since then, I've found out that at least one member of the bridal party feels I've blackmailed my way into the dinner, and I'm horrified. But I think the only thing ruder at this point than going would be not to go after I've already been included in the count. I want to make amends if the bride or MOG felt coerced into inviting me, but I'm not sure how. The bride is getting married tomorrow and has enough to think about, so although I want to make sure the air is clear, I don't want to burden her with this.
Would it be appropriate for me to approach the groom's mother during the cocktail/social hour of the dinner and thank her for inviting me and apologize if she felt any pressure to do so, as I was only trying to make sure her son's wedding went smoothly?
Edited to add: I should also mention that by the time I found out about the potential ill will, there was no time to write a letter to either the bride or the MOG - the wedding is the 19th and the bride only gave us the song she wanted on the 6th, I mentioned the need for rehearsal on the 12 and was invited on the 13th, so this has all happened very fast. My only chance to fix things will be at the actual event, unless it could be done via thank you note to the MOG afterwards?
(This post was
edited by cerulean on May 18, 2007, 10:40 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 18, 2007, 12:38 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1146 views)
Re: [cerulean] Fixing a Rehearsal Dinner Faux Pas
[In reply to]
Dear Cerulean,
To begin with, as a retired classroom and English teacher I must commend you on your writing skills. You are also very well-mannered. It is a pleasure reading your post.
But, I'm very sorry about this misunderstanding. Obviously, you did nothing wrong. It wasn't polite for anyone to presume that you coerced your way into the inner circle. You should have been there anyway.
I agree that it may be best to speak to the MOG privately some time during the cocktail hour.
Re: [cerulean] Fixing a Rehearsal Dinner Faux Pas
[In reply to]
Maybe just thank her for inviting you and leave it at that. (I little behind kiss?) The other portion is a bit negative and you might not want to bring negativity to a special occasion. If you feel the need to mention the latter do it in a note that you hand to her for later reading.
Just my opinion and maybe another way to go. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 18, 2007, 8:47 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 18, 2007, 6:35 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1132 views)
Re: [cerulean] Fixing a Rehearsal Dinner Faux Pas
[In reply to]
Actually, that is a very good point. I like it Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Fixing a Rehearsal Dinner Faux Pas
