Hello! Almost all of my wedding guests will be from out of town. Also, I have a large extended family (my dad is the oldest of 7). I like the idea of having a more intimate rehearsal dinner and I would not want to force my fi's parents (who have nicely offered to pay for the RD) to have to invite all of my extended family who are out of town guests. I was comfortable with this decision (even though my fi's parents will probably invite an aunt & uncle and two cousins on my fi's side who are not in the wedding - they have a much smaller family plus they are the ones throwing the dinner).
Enter the problem. Well I hate to call it a problem because two of my aunts on my dad's side have very generously decided to throw my bridesmaid's luncheon for me. (they cannot throw me a shower because they live too far away). I am very thankful and I love the two of them, but now I am worried that it will be rude to not have them invited to the rehearsal dinner. They will be in town and will have just thrown a luncheon for my bridesmaids for me earlier that same day. However, if I ask my fi's parents to invite them, they will obviously have to invite their husbands, children, and all of my dad's other brothers and sisters. If only a couple, but not all of them are invited, there would probably be bad blood. I also feel like it would be rude to decline my aunts' offer to throw the bridesmaids luncheon (they both were very excited about it).
Any advice you could offer will be greatly appreciated.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 28, 2007, 10:19 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 28, 2007, 10:46 AM
Post #2 of 5
(1688 views)
Re: [abrow2aa] Inviting extended family to rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Dear Abrow,
They really shouldn't be invited and you shouldn't invite them. To ask to include them would be impolite. So, this is out of your hands. It really is your responsibility to do something special for your aunts, not someone else. So, take them out for lunch or give them a gift--something from you.
They really shouldn't be hosting this luncheon. It is something you or your attendants would host. But, as long as there are no gifts involved, it should be fine. This was to be the party where you gave your attendants their gifts and to thank them for their efforts though.
Family doesn't host bridal showers, so they wouldn't or at least shouldn't have hosted a shower for you anyway.
Re: [Etiquette Now] Inviting extended family to rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Thanks for your help! I know that I should be the one hosting the bridesmaids' luncheon (and I had planned on doing it myself because I am super grateful for my bridesmaids), but they offered and I thought it would be more rude to refuse. Do you think I should tell them no thanks? Secretly, I almost would rather do it myself because then it could be smaller, which I prefer (just me, my bridesmaidss, and the mothers), but I feel that I have to accept their offer. It is still a year away so no definite plans for the luncheon have been made yet.
However, if they do throw it there will be no gifts for me involved at all (of course). My aunt actually did the same thing for my other cousin. That cousin took that opportunity to give her bridesmaids their gifts and gave a gift to the aunt for hosting.
With regards to bridal showers - I thought that the rule that family could not host them was an "old" rule that is sort of outdated. I ask because I am pretty sure my sister will host mine with my other bridesmaids.
Thanks again!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 28, 2007, 11:20 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 28, 2007, 11:21 AM
Post #4 of 5
(1676 views)
Re: [abrow2aa] Inviting extended family to rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
If your sister is a member of the bridal party then she may host a shower. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 28, 2007, 11:54 AM
Post #5 of 5
(1671 views)
Re: [abrow2aa] Inviting extended family to rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
If your aunts want to host the bridal luncheon, then allow them to. As long as it isn't a 'shower type' event then it is fine.
There really is only one etiquette professional who states that family can host 'in certain circumstances'. But, those circumstances don't always work in all situations, so it isn't very logical or easy to understand the reasoning behind the waffling.
It is best if family doesn't host for very logical and fair reasons. Family members will most often try to garner the most gifts possible as their focus is on their family member and not on the guests. It is only human nature. We have stories of mothers hosting a shower for 65+ guests at a restaurant and asking guests to pay for it. This is a very good example of why the 'rule' is not old fashion or out of date. Some rules should stay in place, especially when they are still relevant and fair. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Inviting extended family to rehearsal dinner
