My fiancee and I are planning a wedding for this fall. It is a Jewish wedding to be held on a Sunday afternoon. The night before the wedding, we are planning to have a party for out of town guests and the wedding party. (Since it is a Jewish wedding, there is no formal rehearsal dinner.) No invitations have been sent out, and the planning for this party is just in its early stages.
I have eight aunts and uncles that live within a 45-minute drive to the wedding site, and just one set that will be flying in from the West Coast to attend the wedding events. However, several of my aunts an uncles who live essentially in-town have already decided that they will attend said party.
Compounding this issue is the history of two sets of aunts and uncles, whose behavior at past weddings makes me concerned. At a cousin's wedding about 4 years ago, my entire extended family flew to San Diego to attend this wedding. However, one of my other cousins already lives in San Diego, and was therefore not invited to the out-of-town guest party the evening before the wedding. The parents of the cousin who was not invited to the out-of-town party were extremely upset and behaved quite rudely the entire day to my other cousin who was getting married on her wedding day. They "threatened" not to attend the wedding, as did another aunt and uncle. The entire day of the wedding, my two aunts and uncles did nothing but mope and brood about my cousin not being invited to the out-of-town party. In addition, after the wedding was over, my aunt called the bride and groom, and the bride's parents (my aunt and uncle) and proceeded to chew them out for not inviting my cousin to the out-of-town party. They haven't spoken since. So, basically, my aunts and uncles behaved rather immaturely about this situation, and I would like to avoid this unpleasantness altogether.
Another issue is the venue for the out-of-town guest party. Space is limited to 60 people, and with my eight in-town aunts and uncles, this would push the total to 66 guests.
We have also pared down the invitee list as much as possible to include only those people who live out of state, and the bridal party.
What is the proper etiquette here to avoid a situation where my aunts and uncles make life difficult for us and do not enjoy our wedding, but also adhere to the idea that it is a party for out-of-town guests only, and the space limits of the party venue?
Thank you in advance for all your help.
(This post was
edited by JKSC on Dec 5, 2007, 8:43 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 6, 2007, 2:00 PM
Post #2 of 3
(990 views)
Re: [JKSC] Party for Out of Town Guests before Wedding
[In reply to]
Dear JKSC,
It seems fairly simple to me. Forget the idea of a prewedding party with out of town guests. It really isn't proper anyway, as it could appear to be a reception. We don't do this. So, perhaps instead of a party, you could give your out of town guests a welcome basket with a pamphlet covering local activities they may enjoy.
To host a 'party' for a choice few could be insulting to those not invited, even if the reason seems polite. It is still separating your wedding guests into the privileged and the not so.
Re: [Etiquette Now] Party for Out of Town Guests before Wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Ms. Black,
Thank you very much for your help and suggestions. I will talk this over with my fiancee and come up with some ideas for a nice out-of-town welcome basket.
Party for Out of Town Guests before Wedding
