Short background: My fiance & I are both going on 40, never married and are financially quite secure. We are paying all costs of the wedding ourselves. My parents have both passed away. His parents have been so kind as to state they want to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner including out of town guests. (Most of my family is from a different state and they want them to feel part of event I think mostly because they know how much I'm saddened that my parents can only be there in spirit.) Here is the issue; I know that they are quite, well, poor. (I can think of no "softer" way of putting it.) FOG is on disability and MOG works part time and my fiance has helped them from time to time just to keep food on the table.
My fiance and I will be paying for the FOG tux as well as the MOG's outfit. We had indicated to them that we wanted to do so as our wedding gift to them. I truly do love both of them and respect how hard they work but both my fiance and myself want this to be a joyous day, not one where they have to worry about money (ie like they have to do every other day).
Bless them that they are in many ways traditional and feel "obligated" to host the rehearsal dinner. We've both gently indicated that we're happy to take care of the bill and that these days no one except the bride and groom are "responsible" to pay any of the bills, but they are rather insistent. I've suggested perhaps we do a casual cook-out at either my house or their daughter's house but they want to have it at a restaurant and have asked me to choose the place. So I've picked a place that is fun, casual and shouldn't be pricey.
2 questions. Is it reasonable for me to let them know we (my fiance and I) will pick up the bar tab if they want to pay for the meal? Or could we even discretely let the manager know to "cap" amount spent that evening and charged to his parents with us picking up the rest of the bill?
I do not want to hurt their feelings! But I honestly think this sense of responsibility will create a financial hardship for them.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 29, 2007, 5:07 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1259 views)
Re: [KatieOkitty] Paying for the Rehearsal Dinner
[In reply to]
Dear Katie,
You could conspire with the owner to allow you two to pay for the bar tab. His parents may not even realize (hopefully) that this is missing from the check. This may be the best way to keep them from being embarrassed.
Also, you could inform them that it may be best not to invite all of the out of town guests to this as it should just be a party for the bridal party, their significant others, very close family, and the officiant and spouse. That could help quite a bit with the expenses.
Paying for the Rehearsal Dinner
