This is my first time as a mother of the groom! Does a rehearsal dinner have to be planned around a theme? Just about everyone attending my son's wedding will be from out of town Since so many people are making the effort and incurring the expense to share this day with us, we have decided to have a "Welcome to (City Name)" party instead of a standard rehearsal dinner. We will be inviting everyone who will be attending the wedding. My son wants it to be informal and stress free, so that everyone can meet and mingle. I am planning on nice table settings and lovely flower arrangements, but no particular theme. My son is planning some music and other things. Well intentioned folks are telling me I need to have a theme, provided take home favors, etc. My son and future daughter-in-law have planned a fantastic wedding with many special touches. Since this is about them, I don't feel the need to go too overboard with this thing since the wedding should be the focal point of the weekend. Am I right?
The rehearsal dinner really is intended to feed and entertain those involved in rehearsing for the wedding ceremony. Out of town guests are typically not invited unless they are close relatives and/or a member of the bridal party. It should be a less formal event and not an elaborate party akin to a reception since, as you pointed out, the wedding should be the centerpiece, not upstaged by any of the pre-wedding parties. There are typically no favors or themes. Sometimes the couple or hosts will provide entertainment such as a dvd montage of the couple growing up and meeting or some background music.
What you're planning is well more than what's expected for a rehearsal dinner. If you want to plan a party for traveling guests, consider doing so separately from the rehearsal dinner and preferably after the wedding. Maybe something like a brunch the day following the wedding. But, again, it is not necessary to entertain out of town guests. You could simply leave each guest with a welcome basket filled with maps of the city, a few treats and suggestions for restaurants and sightseeing during their visit. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Out-of-town guests may be invited to the rehearsal dinner as a courtesy, but not of necessity; and the dinner should definitely not overshadow the reception. Weekend-long events (especially at destination weddings) are becoming more common, though, and it is kind of you to consider the guests who are traveling in just for your son's wedding.
If you're going to hold a rehearsal dinner for so many guests, make sure it is kept very, very casual (no favors and no theme, definitely!), and relatively short - make an effort NOT to compete. Possibly better yet, hold a more traditional rehearsal dinner with just the bridal party and immediate family (and officiant), and have a welcome cocktail gathering after the rehearsal dinner which the bridal party can choose to attend or not (including the couple). Offer light hors d'oeuvres and a limited beverage selection at the hotel where most of your guests are staying, for example. It is a more appropriate "welcome to the area" than a pre-wedding dinner. If you really want to include everyone, a post-wedding brunch is often appreciated, is laid-back and fun, and is tastefully non-competitive. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
I agree that the party you are describing seems much more like a reception and not a rehearsal dinner. This wouldn't be proper, but is generous and gracious of you to want to do. So, I agree that if you want to host a gathering for out of town guests, an informal separate affair from the rehearsal dinner is best. The idea of a welcome cocktail, basket, or after wedding brunch is most appropriate in the view of proper etiquette. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Rehearsal Dinner Theme
