My fiancee's parents recently sent out our wedding invitations, and next week my parents plan to send out the invites for the rehearsal dinner. My in-laws-to-be have already heard back from a few guests that they won't be attending the wedding, and some of these people are on the guest list for the rehearsal dinner. Should we still send them an invitation to the rehearsal dinner (so they know we wanted them there), or should we drop them from the list (so they aren't forced to keep declining events, or so it doesn't look like we're pressuring them)? Thanks so much!
Since you know they will not be attending, it would be best not to include them in the rehearsal dinner. The dinner should actually be a smallish affair with only those involved in the ceremony. So, if all of you are talking about last minute details and giving attendant's their gifts, this could make others feel uncomfortable if they are not attending.
Thanks for your reply. I just have a follow-up question, bascially due to me not being clearer in my first question. Our wedding is essentially a destination wedding: with the excpetion of about 10 guests (all of whom are coming to everything), everyone lives at least a state away. So if a guest isn't attending the wedding, they also won't be attending the rehearsal dinner. Mailing them a rehearsal dinner invitation is just a formality, which is why I wasn't sure which effect dominated: the inclusive one of letting them know we wanted them there, or the bothersome one of making them turn down yet another wedding event.
I assume from your first reply that your sense would be to not send the invitation, but I wasn't sure if that changes given the purely symbolic nature of the invites in this situation.
It still stands. If you know they aren't attending, then it is appropriate not to send the invitation. You could always tell them (verbally) that you would have wanted them there. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Rehearsal dinner invites
