My fiancee and I are excited about getting married in mid December in our new hometown. But since this is a new city for both of us, almost everyone on our guest list will be out of town guests.
When we got engaged at Easter, we began telling our families about our plans and that we are paying for our wedding (we are in our late 30s). Everyone was very excited to hear our plans and we scouted a fun place where we wanted our rehearsal dinner, let alone the ceremony and reception.
About a month ago, I invited verbally my older brother (my only sibling), his wife and kids to the rehearsal dinner, and my fiancee invited her siblings and their spouses and kids to the rehearsal dinner. While we didn't say at the time of invitation to our siblings, we haven't decided on any roles for the siblings to play at the wedding (and we decided to have our respective best friends serve as our best man and maid of honor). Again, our families were initially very excited by our plans and this is the first time our two families will have ever met. I'm from CA, my fiancee is from MA and we are marrying near San Francisco.
A few days ago, though, my brother reversed himself and indicated that he and his wife can't make the rehearsal dinner because of final exams for the kids and his wife (who is a teacher herself). He also indicated that he felt his participation in the rehearsal was non-essential because he has no role in the ceremony. He argues that etiquette says "unless you have a role, there is no reason for a sibling to be at a rehearsal and the dinner thereafter." My fiancee and I and her siblings disagree and each of her family will be flying in for the rehearsal dinner, even as my brother and his wife and kids won't drive the 3.5 hours to join us because of these supposed conflicts (even though, I learned from another source that final exams for the kids and my sister-in-law are in mid-January, not in mid-December.
My fiancee and I are hurt by the decline and even more hurt by the fact there seems to be another, unstated reason for the decline (because the exams are one month later).
But that said, what is the etiquette on sibling participation for rehearsal dinners when there is no role for them, especially when, in my case, there is no other immediate family member left ?
Thanks for the advise and comments in advance.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 16, 2007, 8:54 AM
Post #2 of 3
(1112 views)
Re: [MyOnlyWedding] Siblings at rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
The rehearsal dinner really is only for those involved in the wedding. Many times families will attend mostly because they have roles to practice.
If you think your brother is hurt then speak to him about your feelings. Let him know your plan for the rehearsal dinner was not only to provide a meal for the bridal party but to also have the opportunity for your families to mee. Tell him how disappointed you are that they cannot be threre. But, it certainly could be that your brother and his family have other commitments. Please be sensitive to his feelings and plans as well. Remember that he will have to travel with many people, take time from work, incur costs, etc. It just may be that he is having some financial difficulties. Again, speak to him openly and honestly. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 16, 2007, 10:23 AM
Post #3 of 3
(1107 views)
Re: [MyOnlyWedding] Siblings at rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
I agree.
Perhaps you could host an engagement party for everyone to meet. This is a party for the family to meet each other. The rehearsal dinner really is not. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Siblings at rehearsal dinner
