My niece and her fiance have asked my hubby and I to "host" their rehearsal dinner, in July 2009. I have read every post in this category but still need to ask for proper etiquette. I am sensing that my niece is just wanting to use our home for a casual outdoor BBQ location for their informal rehearsal dinner because they are trying to keep costs low and both of them live in apartments. They want to BBQ steaks/chicken and serve salads/desserts and be able relax in the yard for this rehearsal dinner. Is this ok for me to act as just a location host without being the one who pays for the guests meals? Is that proper etiquette of me?
But before I answer her should I ask the couple to clearly define what she means by "host"? Who will be in charge of planning, inviting and paying for the dinner if they are the bride/groom and I am the "host" but not the parents of the groom? We do want to help in some way and this may just be the ticket, it is not outside of our ability to pay, but what is my role, should I? I have asked my niece if I will be co-hosting with the parents of the groom but she indicates to me that although FOG may wish to run the BBQ neither set of parents will be involved in the planning or hosting or paying, or at least they have made no indication of any sort of gift toward that nor any desire to plan it. They will be guests. I want to know up front what is proper and what the bride and groom expect. Most of the wedding party guests will be out of town family so there is the temptation to invite a few more out of town guests making the rehearsal dinner guest list approach 50. (That's a pretty big guest list for RD.) 2 of my daughters have been asked to be bridesmaids. If the bride and groom are paying for this RD and the weather is good in July, our yard will accommodate that many, our home will not. We have done this sort of outdoor BBQ before for birthdays but this is a RD. If we are to pay for this I would need to check with my hubby and I would not wish to feel uncomfortable hosting my brother as a guest when he has no role in supporting his daughter's wedding. Regardless of who hosts, the bride/groom could trim costs for themselves by trimming the RD guest list and simplifying the menu a bit more. I am asking them to thoughtfully consider trimmiing their wedding and reception guest list and to work out an overall budget for their wedding event so that they know where they are headed in planning their wonderful day and in planning the RD.
Please help me know how to help and how to stay within my bounds as an auntie. Thank you. Mary
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 19, 2009, 8:54 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
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Re: Aunt asked to host rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Dear Mary,
If they ask you to host it, they are obligated to pay for all cost. But, they may not realize that. So, you would have to discuss this fully with them.
Their idea for their guest list is a bit unrealistic and not proper. While it is nice to try to include all out of town guests, it really isn't a great idea. It usually ends up looking like a reception, which is evident in your guest list total. It would be best if they just invite those who are actually "rehearsing". This is what the "rehearsal dinner" is all about.
Since it is your home you can choose what your role is. So, discuss this with the couple as well.
Re: Aunt asked to host rehearsal dinner
[In reply to]
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you for being so clear. I appreciate your help.
We have been communicating very openly/honestly and I will be sure to ask Bride/Groom to clearly define their expectations so that our roles remain clear, especially as their out of town parents begin to arrive in July. We want to remain unified in hosting an intimate event so that our guests can enjoy the couple and their wedding.
Aunt asked to host rehearsal dinner
