My fiance and I just graduated from college this past May and now work for our college. Because our campus is relatively small, we knew nearly everyone and there are a multitude of faculty, staff, and students that might care to attend our wedding. We are getting married only 45 minutes from the campus, which makes it an easy commute.
The problem--we're paying for the wedding ourselves and, as recent grads, just don't have the funds to pay for a formal sit down meal for everyone. Which scenario would be more appropriate?
1) A casual sit-down luncheon in our church's hall after a late morning ceremony (the ceremony will be 1 hr long and more "formal"). Our menu would include catered sandwiches, home-made appetizers, a dessert table, and cake. The guest list nears 200 and they would be a tight squeeze for a sit down meal in the church hall. The church is our home church, which is why we want to get married there, but it is in a small town and there aren't any good reception venues nearby.
2) A 1:30pm ceremony without a sit-down reception to follow, including just heavy hors d'ouvres and cake. Then, after all the guests have left and the church has been cleaned, having a informal dinner for the "out-of-town" guests, family, and wedding party (about 60 in total) at a local restaurant?
3) Cut the guest list down to a more manageable number--but risk offending people my fiance and I will working with in the coming months/years.
4) Move the wedding to 7:30 or 8:00pm and serve heavy appetizers and desserts. This was our favorite option initially, but because we're getting married in Michigan in the month of March, we feared a snow storm and didn't want our guests driving home in the dark.
We prefer the second option because it allows us more time with our family and closest friends without excluding many of the people we've gotten to know over the past four years. Any advice?
Would the second option be more appropriate if the groom and I didn't attend and it was just extended by our parent's to the out-of-town guests?
Also, if we are setting up a website with information concerning hotels in the area, directions, etc, would it be okay to include a sentence regarding wedding registries or should we let it be completely word of mouth? My mom seemed to think it a mistake, but I know I and many of my peers generally appreciate it.
Paring down you list isn't slighting those with whom you work and/or close. Most of us must do this due to funds or space issues. Most people understand this and don't become upset. So, you could simple inform people that you would have loved to invite them, but you have serious limitations. If you chose this option, the doors are open to plan as you wish.
Option 2 seems great except that your second "reception" should involve all wedding guests or just your immediate family + bridal party. 60 guests would seem like you have a preferred guest list for the dinner portion of your reception--major faux pas. So if you choose this option, it would be best if you were not a part of the dinner.
Option 1 is fine except that your wedding and reception should be in the same formality.
Option 4 is fine as well, except the snow storm issue.
Would it be more permissible to invite the "out-of-town" guests, family, and wedding party to a brunch/lunch meal hosted by our parents early in the day if we get married in the evening? A rehearsal dinner part 2?
There is a fine line between hosting a prewedding party and wedding/reception, especially if the prewedding event resembles a reception. If this were to appear as a gathering to "welcome" the out of towners, it might be just fine. It really comes down to how it it perceived. The guests might be confused and wonder if a gift is expected too.
Be careful with the planning. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Afternoon reception?
